HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS [2003]

One Of Them Is Lying. 

So Is The Other.

Andie: God, I busted my butt in grad school to be Andie Anderson, how-to girl,
and write articles like, How to Use the Best Pick-Up Lines, 
and Do Blondes, Do They Live, Like, Really Have More Fun? 
I wanna write about things that matter, like politics and the environment and foreign affairs,
things I'm interested in.
Jeannie: Keep busting your butt. You're gonna get there.

Lana: What's next for How-To With Andie?
Andie: I've been working in something that's, kind of, different. It's a political piece and it's...
Lana: No. Andie, you work at Composure Magazine.
We are fashion, trends, diets, cosmetic surgeries, salacious gossip, that's Composure.
Andie: But...
Lana: Look, Andie, the column is new for you.
When you turn it into a must-read, then you can write about whatever you want.
Until then, you can write about whatever I want. Understood?

Andie: I'll do it.
Michelle: What?
Andie: I'll sort of do it. You will be my inspiration.
Lana: For?
Andie: Look at Michelle. She is a great girl, right? An amazing woman.
But she has a problem hanging on to relationships, and doesn't really know what's she doing wrong, which is like a lot of our readers.
So, I was thinking that I could start by dating a guy and then drive him away,
but only using the classic mistakes most women, like Michelle, make all the time.
I'll keep a diary of it, and it will be sort of a dating how-to in reverse.
Lana: What not to do.
Andie: Yeah. 
Lana: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
Yes. Go.
Andie: Why 10 days?
Lana: 5 days is too short, and we go to press in 11.

Andie: Watch me. Tonight, I'll hook a guy. Tomorrow, pull the switch.
Before the 10 days are up, I'm gonna have this guy running for his life.
Jeannie: You're not gonna burn his apartment down or bite him or anything, are you?
Andie: No. I'm gonna limit myself to doing everything girls do wrong in relationships.
Basically, everything we know guys hate.
I'll be clingy, needy...
Jeannie: Be touchy-feely.
Andie: Yeah.
Jeannie: Uh, call him in the middle of the night and tell him everything you had to eat that day. [giggle]
Michelle: What's wrong with that?

Judy: Selling a diamond to a woman is like making her fall in love.
She has to feel giddy, desirous, adventurous and desperate.
Take a look around this room, Phillip, most of the women in this bar are looking for just that.
Ben: Exactly. The skills required to market diamonds are the same as those needed to make a woman fall in love, yes.
Judy: I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate. A woman in love wants diamonds.
Ben: I'm not talking about lust either, ladies.
I'm talking about deep, meaningful, head-over-heels, his-and-her towels, let's grow old together, L-O-V-E.
Look, I love women. I do. Whether they're 4 or 40 or my 88-year-old grandmother, 
I respect women, all right?
And I also listen to women.
And that's why I can sell myself to any woman, anywhere, anytime.
Judy: Make a woman fall in love with diamonds, Benjamin, or with you?
Ben: Either one.
Phillip: That's cocky, Ben.
Ben: No, not cocky. Confident.

Andie: True or false. All's fair in love and war.
Ben: True.
Andie: Great answer.
Ben: Good question.

[after lights some candles]
A diamond is no one-night stand.
A diamond is a long-term commitment.
~Benjamin Barry

Andie: Does Princess Sophia wanna come out and play?
Ben: Who's Princess Sophia?
[Andie points to Ben's crotch]
Ben: No, no, no,no,no! Wait, you're kidding me, right? Princess Sophia?
Andie: Little, big, little, big, I don't know, we will find out.
Ben: Hang on a second.
Listen, you can't name my member Princess Sophia. It doesn't...
Andie: Yes, I can.
Ben: If you're gonna name my member, you gotta name it something hyper-masculine, okay?
Something like Spike or Butch or Krull the Warrior King, but not Princess Sophia.
Andie: What did you just say?
Ben: Spike. You know what I mean?
Andie: No, no, after Spike.
Ben: Butch.
Andie: After Butch.
Ben: Krull The Warrior King.
Andie: Does Krull The Warrior King want to come out and play?
Come on out of there, Krullll
Ben: You know what? Due to intense humiliation, the king has momentarily abdicated his throne, okay?

Ben: Where is the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew?
The one who wanted to be a serious journalist, huh?
You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there.
You're like a freaking one-woman circus, Andie.
Andie: So I guess this means we're over.
Ben: Yeah, I guess so.

Why would I need to hit another woman when you've got more than enough personalities to keep me completely occupied.
~Benjamin Barry

Glenda: Andie, I hope you know that we expect you to come back here
because you have held Ben to his lowest Bullshit score since his tonsillectomy, and we are thrilled.
Andie: Why, were all his other girlfriends Bullshit losers?
Glenda: What other girlfriends?
You are the first girl he's ever brought home.
Don't you break his heart, now.

Phillip: I understand you've been an inspiration to Ben in more ways than one.
And I must say, you look rather inspired yourself.
There isn't a diamond in the room that sparkles like a woman in love.
Andie: Oh, no, no. I'm not in love.
Phillip: No? I guess I was mistaken.
Andie: No, no, no. I mean, I just... I mean, I've only known him for 10 days. I...
[sip her champagne embarrased] You can't... I can't be...
Phillip, smile: Ben is a very lucky man.

Andie: You used me to get ahead in your work, you arrogant, backstabbing jerk!
Ben: You drove me half insane for a goddamn magazine article.
Andie: And you told people you could make any girl fall in love with you,
and I, I was exhibit A.
Ben: So that's what I was, huh? I was a guinea pig? Somebody you could test your theories on?
Andie: Yeah, and I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar.
Ben: Big deal! I'm sure now you can use it as a little twist in your story.
Andie: That's a good idea. Maybe we should bet on it.
Ben: You did your job now, Andie.
You wanted to lose a guy in 10 days, congratulations, you did it. You just lost him.
Andie: No, I didn't, Ben. Cause you can't lose something you never had.

Ben: Is this true? [hold up the magazine] Is this true or are you just trying to sell magazines?
Andie: I meant every word.
Ben: Well, where are you going?
Andie: I have an interview.
Ben: Yeah, in Washington, I know. Where are you going?
Andie: Ben, it's the only place I can go and write what I want to write.
Ben: No, I'm not buying that. You can write anywhere.
I think you're running away.
Andie: Why don't you save your mind games for your next bet, okay?
I am not running away.
Ben: Bullshit.


*****