13 GOING ON 30 [2004]

A Comedy For The Kid In All Of Us

Matt: I can’t believe you invited those clones.

Jenna: They’re my friends.

Matt: Six Chick are not your friends, okay?

Jenna: Almost. And someday I’m gonna be a Six Chick.

Matt: There’s six of them. That’s the point. There can’t be a seventh Six Chick.

It’s just mathematically impossible.

You’re cooler than they are. They’re unoriginal.

Jenna: I don’t wanna be original, Matty. I wanna be cool.

Jenna: I hate my life.

Mom: Just because you don’t look like girls in Poise magazine, 

doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful in your own way.

Jenna: I don’t wanna be beautiful in my own way. I wanna look like these people. 

[point at the magazines]

Mom: Oh, those aren’t people, honey, those are models.

Jenna, reading the title of the article: “Thirty, flirty and thriving. 

Why the 30s are the best years of your life”.

I wanna be 30.

Kathy, chuckles: Well, you will be, honey. But right now, you’re my beautiful 13-year-old.

Jenna: Are you really my best friend?

Lucy: You’re pregnant.

Jenna: Oh, no! Oh, my God, no!

Lucy: Thank God, you scared me. What did you do last night?

Jenna: That’s the thing. Something really strange is happening.

I slept in an apartment I’ve never seen before and there was a naked man in my shower and I saw his thingy.

Lucy: Oh, God, not his thingy.

Jenna: I don’t know what’s happening.

Lucy: Hey, Jenna, just calm down, okay?

We have a meeting in 10 minutes. I’ll tell you what to do. Repeat after me,

“I am Jenna Rink, bigtime magazine editor.”

Jenna: I am?

Lucy: Repeat it.

Jenna: I am Jenna Rink, bigtime magazine editor.

Lucy: I’m a tough bitch. Say it.

Jenna: I’m a tough bitch.

Lucy: I’m gonna walk into that office, I won’t let anyone know I’m hungover.

Jenna: But that’s not the point, I’m not hungover…

[Lucy raise her eyebrow]

I’m gonna walk into that office and not let anyone know I’m hungover.

Lucy: Because the future of Poise depends on me.

Jenna: Poise?

Matt: Jenna, why are you here?

Jenna: I told you, something really weird is happening.

Yesterday was my 13^th birthday and then… and then today I woke up and I’m this.

And you… I mean, you’re that. You get it?

Matt: Are you high? You been smoking pot? Doing X? Falling into a K-hole? Are you doing drugs?

Jenna: No, no, look… I was sitting in my closet and I skipped everything.

I mean, it’s like a weird dream. I can’t remember my life.

You need to help me remember my life.

Matt: Me? I can’t do that.

Jenna: Why not?

Matt: I don’t know anything about you, all right? I haven’t seen you since high school.

Jenna: What?

Matt: We’re not friends anymore, Jenna.

Jenna: Matty, you’re my best friend.

Matt: No.

Matt: We went separate ways. We went to different colleges, different careers.

Jenna: What about Christmas? Didn’t you wanna see me then?

Matt: I think I saw you through a frosted window once, 6 years ago.

Jenna: 6 years ago?

Matt: Yeah.

Jenna: Wasn’t I home last Christmas?

Matt: I don’t know. Doesn’t your crowd do Saint Barts for Christmas?

Jenna: What if this isn’t just a dream? What if what I wished for actually happened?

Matt: Then you got everything you ever wanted. You might as well enjoy it.

Becky: Why are you talking to me?

Jenna: Why not? We are neighbors, right?

Becky: But you usually ignore me.

Jenna: I like your shoes.

Becky: Thanks. I like your dress.

Jenna: It’s because I’ve got these incredible boobs to fill it out.

Jenna: To being 30. I’ve decided it’s gonna be a totally awesome.

Lucy: Of course it is.

You’re thin, you’re hot, you can get any guy you want, biatch.

Jenna: Not to mention, biatch, the hottest magazine editor in the world.

Lucy: Second hottest.

Jenna: Tied for first?

Lucy: Deal.

Jenna: Is she your soulmate, Wendy?

Matt: My soulmate? I don’t know if I believe in those. I think that’s kind of naïve.

Jenna: But you get goosebumps when you’re around her… and butterflies?

Matt: No, I haven’t gotten crazy like that about a girl since high school.

Jenna: Matty, what happened to us?

I mean, how come we never stayed friends?

Matt: I don’t know, I forget.

Jenna: No, what happened?

Matt: I don’t know. I can pretty much peg it to your 13^th birthday party.

When you were in the closet, playing that game, Spin the Rapist?

Jenna: Seven Minutes in Heaven… Everybody ditched. And that is the last thing I remember.

Matt: We don’t have to get into this. It’s a long time ago. It really doesn’t matter anymore.

Jenna: It matters to me. Just tell me.

Matt: You came out of the closet, and I started to sing my birthday song to you,

And then you picked up and threw at me with impressive force, I might add,

The dream house that I spent 3 weeks building for you.

And then you just stopped being my friend, and you never spoke to me again after that, ever.

Jenna: I’m so sorry.

Matt: Forget it, Jenna. It was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter.

Jenna: Matt, stop being so nice to me. I don’t deserve it.

Do you know what kind of person I am now? Do you know who I am right now?

I don’t have any real friends, I did something bad with a married guy, I don’t talk to my mom and dad.

I’m not a nice person.

And the thing is, I’m not 13 anymore.

Jenna: If you were given one do-over anything in your life, what would it be?

Mom: Nothing.

Jenna: Really?

Mom: Really.

Jenna: But did you ever make a big mistake?

Or huge one that could change your life? What about that?

Mom: Jenna, I know I made a lot of mistakes but I don’t regret making any of them.

Jenna: How come?

Mom: Because if I hadn’t have made them, I wouldn’t have learned how to make things right.

You wanna know a secret?

You’re the sweetest gut I’ve ever knew.

-Jenna Rinks

Heartache to heartache, we stand.

Love is a battlefield

-Jenna Rinks

Matt: Jenna, I’m not gonna lie to you.

I have felt things these past few weeks that I didn’t know I could feel anymore.

But I have realized in these past few days, you can’t just turn back time.

Jenna: Why not?

Matt: I moved on, you moved on. We’ve gone down different paths for so long.

We made choices. I chose Wendy.

Jenna: I love you, Matt. You’re my best friend.

Matt: Jenna, I’ve always loved you.

Jenna: A Razzle, Mr. Flamhaff?

Matt: Thank you, Mrs. Flamhaff.

*****