THE PROPOSAL [2009]

Here Comes the Bribe...

Bob: You poisonous bitch!

You can't fire me!

You don't think I see what you're doing here?

Sandbagging me on this Oprah thing just so that you can look good to the board?

Because you are threatened by me!

And you are a monster!

Margaret: Bob, stop.

Bob: Just because you have no semblance of a life outside of this office,

you think that you can treat all of us like your own personal slaves!

You know what, I feel sorry for you.

Because you know what you're gonna have on you deathbed?

Nothing, and no one!

Wouldn't be the first time one of us fell for our secretaries, would it?

~Margaret Tate

Margaret: The truth is, you know, Andrew and I, we're...

we are just two people who weren't meant to fall in love, but we did.

Andrew: No...

Margaret: All those late nights at the office and weekend book fairs...

Something happened.

Andrew: Something...

Margaret, giggles: Yeah, tried to fight it and can't fight a love like ours...

[to Edwin and Jack] so, are we good with this?

Are you happy?

Because, well, we are happy. So happy.

Andrew: Margaret, I'm not gonna marry you.

Margaret: Sure you are.

Because if you don't marry me, 

your dreams of touching the lives of millions with the written word are dead.

Bob is gonna fire you the second I'm gone. Guaranteed!

That means you're out on the street alone looking for a job.

That means all the time we spent together, all the lattes, all the canceled dates,

all the midnight tampax runs, were all for nothing,

and all your dreams of being an editor are gone!

But don't worry, after the required alottment of time, 

we'll get a quickie divorce and you'll be done with me.

But until then, like it or not, your wagon is hitched to me, okay?

Let me explain to you the process that's about to unfold.

Step one, will be a scheduled interview.

I'll put you each in a room and I'll ask you every little question 

that a real couple would know about each other.

Step two, I dig deeper.

I look at your phone records, I talk to your neighbors, I interview your co-workers.

If your answer don't match up at every point,

you [point to Margaret] will be deported indefinitely.

And you [point to Andrew] will have committed a felony punishable by a fine of $250,000 

and a stay of 5 years in federal prison.

So Andrew... do you want to talk to me?

~Mr. Gilbertson

Andrew: We couldn't tell anyone we work with because of my big promotion that I had coming up.

Mr. Gilbertson: Promotion?

Andrew: Yeah...

Margaret, speechless: Your...

Andrew: We both felt that it would be deeply inappropriate if I were to be promoted to editor.

Margaret: Editor, hmmm...

Andrew: ... while we were...

Mr. Gilbertson: So, have the two of you told your parents about your secret love?

Margaret: Oh, I... imposibble.

My parents are dead. No brothers or sisters either.

Andrew: Gone.

Mr. Gilbertson, to Andrew: Are your parents dead?

Margaret: Oh, no, his are very mush alive.

Andrew: No... very much.

Margaret: Well, we were gonna tell them this weekend.

Gammy's 90th birthday, and the whole family's coming together.

And we thought it'd be a nice surprise.

Mr. Gilbertson: And where is this surprise gonna take place?

Margaret: At Andrew's parent's house.

Mr. Gilbertson: Where is that located again?

Margaret: Um, pft, why am I doing all the talking?

[to Andrew] it's your parent's house.

Why don't you tell him where it is. Jump in.

Andrew: Sitka.

Margaret: Sitka.

Andrew: Alaska.

Margaret: Alas...kaaa???

Andrew: Now, ask me nicely.

Margaret: "Ask you nicely" what?

Andrew: Ask me nicely to marry you, Margaret.

Margaret: What does that mean?

Andrew: You heard me. On your knee.

Margaret: Fine! [on her knee] Does this work for you?

Andrew: Oh, I like this, yeah.

Margaret, in flat tone: Will you marry me?

Andrew: No! Say it like you mean it.

Margaret, in resentful: Andrew...

Andrew: Yes, Margaret...

Margaret: Sweet Andrew...

Andrew: I'm listening.

Margaret: Would you please with cherries on top, marry me?

Andrew: Okay, I don't appreciate the sarcasm, but I'll do it.

So these are the questions that INS is gonna ask us.

The good news is I know everything about you,

but the bad news is that you have 4 days to learn all this about me.

~Andrew Paxton

Margaret: You know all the answers to these questions about me?

Andrew: Scary, isn't it?

Margaret: A little bit. 

What am I allergic to?

Andrew: Pine nut.

And the full spectrum of human emotion.

Margaret: Oh, that's... that was funny.

Umm... oh, here's a good one.

Do I have any scars?

Andrew: I'm pretty sure that you have a tattoo.

Margaret: Oh, you're pretty sure?

Andrew: I'm pretty sure.

Two years ago, your dermatologist call and asked about a Q-switched laser.

I, of course, googled Q-switched laser and found that they in fact do removes tattoos.

But you canceled your appointment.

So what is it?

Tribal ink? Japanese calligraphy? Barbed wire?

Gert: So, did I miss the story?

Margaret & Andrew: What story?

Gert: About how you proposed.

Gammy: Oh, how a man proposes says a lot about his character.

Grace: I actually would love to hear the story, Andrew.

Would you tell us?

Andrew: You know what?

Actually, Margaret loves telling the story, so I'm just gonna let her go ahead and do that,

'cause I think we should just sit in rapture.

Margaret: Wow, okay, where to begin... this story...

Okay, well, um... Andrew and I...

Andrew and I were about to celebrate our first anniversary.

And I knew that he'd been itching to ask me to marry him.

And he was scared, like a little tiny bird.

So I started leaving him little hints here and there,

because I knew he wouldn't have the guts to ask, but...

Andrew: That's not exactly how it happened.

Margaret: No?

Andrew: No, I mean, I picked up on all her little hints.

This woman's about as subtle as a gun.

What I was worried about was that she might find this little box...

Margaret: Oh... the decoupage box that he made where he'd taken the time to cut out 

tiny little pictures of himself.

Just pasted all over the box.

Oh, so beautiful.

So I opened that beautiful little decoupage 

and out fluttered these tiny little hand-cut heart confettis.

And once they cleared, I looked down, and I saw the most beautiful, big...

Andrew: Fat nothing! No ring!

Gammy: No ring?

Grace: What?

Andrew: No. But inside that box, underneath all that crap, 

there was a little handwritten note with the address to a hotel, date and time.

Real Humphrey Bogart-type stuff.

Masculine.

Anyway, naturally, Margaret thought...

Margaret: I thought he was seeing someone else. 

It was a terrible time for me but I went to that hotel anyway.

I went there and I pounded on the door, but the door was already unlocked.

And as I swung open that door, there he was...

Andrew: Standing...

Margaret: Kneeling...

Andrew: Like a man...

Margaret: On a bed of rose petals in a tuxedo.

Your son... your son...

And he was choking back soft, soft sobs.

And when he held back the tears and finally caught his breath, he said to me...

Andrew: "Margaret, will you marry me?"

And she said yeap, the end!

Who's hungry?

I'm sorry. I feel sorry for you, Dad.

I wish you had another son, I really do.

One who wanted to stay here.

One who wanted to take over the family business.

One who wanted to marry someone that you approve of,

but it's not me!

Now, it must seem strange to you, 

my life in New York, sitting in an office, reading books,

but it makes me happy.

~Andrew Paxton

I forgot what it was like to have a family.

I've been on my own since I was 16

and I forgot what it felt like to have people love you.

~Margaret Tate

Turns out it's not easy to ruin someone's life once you find out how wonderful they are.

You have a beautiful family.

~Margaret Tate

Joe: What's wrong?

Grace: Margaret's on that plane.

Gammy: And he didn't get to tell her.

Joe: Tell her what?

Grace: That he loves her.

Gammy: So she couldn't tell him that she loves him too.

Joe: OK, but how does he...

Grace: If she didn't love him, she wouldn't have left.

Gammy: Of course not.

Joe: Am I the only one not getting this?

Three days ago, I loathed you.

I used to dream about you getting hit by a cab, or poisoned.

Then we had our little adventure up in Alaska and things started to change.

Things changed when we kissed.

And when you told me about your tattoo.

Even when you checked me out when we were naked.

But I didn't realize any of this,

until I was standing alone in a barn... wife-less.

Now you can imagine my disappointment when it suddenly dawned on me

that the woman I love is about to be kicked out of the country.

So Margaret, marry me.

Because I'd like to date you.

~Andrew Paxton

*****