Let Me Count The Ways
Michael: Here's the breakdown.
Over there, we've got your basic beautiful people.
Unless they talk to you first, don't bother.
Cameron: Is that your rule or theirs?
Michael: Watch... [to the group of people] Hey, there.
Student: Eat me!
Michael: You see that?
To the left, we have the coffee kids.
Very edgy.
Don't make any sudden movements around them.
[to another group]
These delusionals are your white rastas.
They're big Marley fans. They think they're black.
Semi-political, but mostly...
Cameron: Smoke a lot of weed?
Michael: Yeah.
[to another group] These guys...
Cameron: Wait, wait, let me guess. Cowboys?
Michael: Yeah, but the closest they've come to a cow is McDonald's.
[to another group] These are your future Mvys.
We're all Ivy League accepted.
Yuppie greed is back, my friend.
Cameron, as Bianca passes by: Oh my God.
What a group is she in?
Michael: The 'don't even think about it' group.
That's Bianca Stratford. She's a sophomore.
Cameron: I burn, I pine, I perish.
Michael: Of course you do.
You know, she's beautiful and deep.
I'm sure.
Listen, forget her.
Incredibly uptight father.
And it's a widely known fact that the Stratford sisters aren't allowed to date.
Bianca: There's a difference between like and love.
Because I like my Skechers, but I love my Prada backpack.
Chastity: But I love my Skechers.
Bianca: That's because you don't have a Prada backpack.
I guess in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time.
~Kat Stratford
Cameron, look at Bianca: Man, look at her. Is she always so...
Michael: Vapid?
Cameron: How can you say that? She's totally...
Michael: Conceited.
Cameron: What are you talking about?
That's more to her than you think.
Look at the way she smiles, and look at her eyes, man.
She's totally pure.
You're missing what's there.
Michael: No, Cameron, no.
What's there is a snotty little princess wearing strategically planned sun dress,
to make guys like us realize that we can never touch her,
and guys like Joey realize that they want to.
She is what we will spend the rest of our lives not having.
Put her in your spank bank, move on.
Michael: She's actually looking for French tutor.
Cameron: Are you serious? That's perfect!
Michael: Do you speak French?
Cameron: Well, no, but I will.
Walter: What are the 2 house rules?
Number one, no dating till you graduate.
Number two, no dating till you graduate.
That's it.
Bianca: Daddy, that's so unfair.
Walter: Allright, you want to know what's unfair?
[to Kat] This is for you, too.
This morning I delivered a set of twins to a 15 year-old girl.
Do you know what she said to me?
Bianca: I'm a crack whore who should have made my skeezy boyfriend wear a condom?
Walter: Close, but no.
She said, "I should have listened to my father."
Bianca: She did not!
Walter: Well, that's what she would have said if she wasn't so doped up.
Bianca: Can we focus on me for a second, please?
I am the only girl in school who's not dating.
Walter: Oh, no, you're not.
Your sister doesn't date.
Kat: And I don't intend to.
Walter: And why is that again?
Kat: Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school?
Bianca: Where did you come from? Planet Loser?
Kat: As opposed to Planet Look at Me, Look at Me.
Walter: Okay, here's how we solve this one.
Old rule out.
New rule, Bianca can date... when she does. [point to Kat]
Bianca: But she's a mutant!
What if she never dates?
Walter: Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.
Bianca: A beaucoup problemo, Calvin, in case you haven't heard,
my sister's a particularly hideous breed of loser.
Cameron: Yeah, yeah, I noticed she's a little antisocial.
Why is that?
Bianca: Unsolved mystery.
She used to be really popular, and then it was like she got sick of it, or something.
Theories abound as to why,
but I'm pretty sure she's just incapable of human interaction.
Plus... she's a bitch!
Walter: Are you punishing me because I want you to stay close to home?
Kat: Aren't you punishing me because Mom left?
Walter: You think you could leave her out of this?
Kat: Fine, then stop making my decisions for me.
Walter: I'm your father, that's my right.
Kat: So what I want doesn't matter.
Walter: You're 18, you don't know what you want.
And you won't know what you want till you're 45,
and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it.
Kat: I want to go to an East Coast school!
I want you to trust me to make my own choices,
and I want you to stop trying to control my life
just because you can't control yours!
Walter: Where are we going?
Bianca: Well, if you must know, a small study group of friends.
Walter: Otherwise known as an orgy?
Chastity: Mr. Stratford, it's just a party.
Walter: And hell is juat a sauna.
[to Kat, as she comes down] Do you know anything about a party?
[Kat shrugging]
Bianca: People expect me to be there.
Walter: Kat's not going, you're not going.
Bianca, to Kat: Why can't you be normal?
Kat: Define 'normal'.
Bianca: Bogey Lozenstein's party is normal.
Kat: Bogey's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school
to drink beer and rub against each other
in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless...
Bianca & Chastity: Meaningless, consumer-driven lives.
No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings,
no ritual animal slaughters of any kind.
Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas.
~Walter Stratford
Cameron: It's off, okay? The whole thing's off.
Patrick: What are you talking about?
Cameron: She never wanted me.
She wanted Joey the whole time.
Patrick: Cameron, do you like the girl?
Cameron: Yeah...
Patrick: And is she worth all this trouble?
Cameron: I thought she was, but, you know, I...
Patrick: Well, she is or she isn't?
First of all, Joey is not half the man you are.
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
Go for it!
You're sweet, and sexy, and completely hot for me.
~Patrick Verona
Kat: I wanted to let you make up your mind about him.
Bianca: Then why did you help Daddy hold me hostage?
It's not like I'm stupid enough to repeat your mistakes.
Kat: I guess I thought I was protecting you.
Bianca: By not letting me experience anything for myself?
Kat: Not all experiences are good, Bianca.
You can't always trust the people you want to.
Bianca: Well, I guess I'll never know, will I?
I didn't care about the money. I care about you!
~Patrick Verona
Kat: You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know.
Patrick: Yeah, I know.
But there's always drums and bass and maybe even one day a tambourine.
*****
Bianca: A beaucoup problemo, Calvin, in case you haven't heard,
my sister's a particularly hideous breed of loser.
Cameron: Yeah, yeah, I noticed she's a little antisocial.
Why is that?
Bianca: Unsolved mystery.
She used to be really popular, and then it was like she got sick of it, or something.
Theories abound as to why,
but I'm pretty sure she's just incapable of human interaction.
Plus... she's a bitch!
Walter: Are you punishing me because I want you to stay close to home?
Kat: Aren't you punishing me because Mom left?
Walter: You think you could leave her out of this?
Kat: Fine, then stop making my decisions for me.
Walter: I'm your father, that's my right.
Kat: So what I want doesn't matter.
Walter: You're 18, you don't know what you want.
And you won't know what you want till you're 45,
and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it.
Kat: I want to go to an East Coast school!
I want you to trust me to make my own choices,
and I want you to stop trying to control my life
just because you can't control yours!
Walter: Where are we going?
Bianca: Well, if you must know, a small study group of friends.
Walter: Otherwise known as an orgy?
Chastity: Mr. Stratford, it's just a party.
Walter: And hell is juat a sauna.
[to Kat, as she comes down] Do you know anything about a party?
[Kat shrugging]
Bianca: People expect me to be there.
Walter: Kat's not going, you're not going.
Bianca, to Kat: Why can't you be normal?
Kat: Define 'normal'.
Bianca: Bogey Lozenstein's party is normal.
Kat: Bogey's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school
to drink beer and rub against each other
in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless...
Bianca & Chastity: Meaningless, consumer-driven lives.
No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings,
no ritual animal slaughters of any kind.
Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas.
~Walter Stratford
Cameron: It's off, okay? The whole thing's off.
Patrick: What are you talking about?
Cameron: She never wanted me.
She wanted Joey the whole time.
Patrick: Cameron, do you like the girl?
Cameron: Yeah...
Patrick: And is she worth all this trouble?
Cameron: I thought she was, but, you know, I...
Patrick: Well, she is or she isn't?
First of all, Joey is not half the man you are.
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
Go for it!
You're sweet, and sexy, and completely hot for me.
~Patrick Verona
Kat: I wanted to let you make up your mind about him.
Bianca: Then why did you help Daddy hold me hostage?
It's not like I'm stupid enough to repeat your mistakes.
Kat: I guess I thought I was protecting you.
Bianca: By not letting me experience anything for myself?
Kat: Not all experiences are good, Bianca.
You can't always trust the people you want to.
Bianca: Well, I guess I'll never know, will I?
I didn't care about the money. I care about you!
~Patrick Verona
Kat: You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know.
Patrick: Yeah, I know.
But there's always drums and bass and maybe even one day a tambourine.
*****
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