CHICKEN RUN [2000]

Escape Or Die Frying

Now let that be a lesson for the lot of ya - no chicken escapes from Tweedy's farm! 

[Mr. Tweedy]

[Ginger]: You know what the problem is? 

The fences aren't just round the farm. They're up here, in your heads. 

There's a better place out there, somewhere beyond that hill, and it has wide open places, and lots of trees... and grass. 

Can you imagine that? Cool, green grass. 

[Hen]: Who feeds us? 

[Ginger]: We feed ourselves. 

[Hen]: Where's the farm?

[Ginger]: There is no farm. 

[Babs]: Then, where does the farmer live?

[Ginger]: There is no farmer, Babs.

[Babs]: Is he on holiday?

[Ginger]: He isn't anywhere! Don't you get it? 

There's no morning head count, no farmers, no dogs and coops and keys, and no fences.

[Bunty]: In all my life, I've never heard such a fantastic load of tripe. 

Oh, face the facts, ducks. 

The chances of us getting out of here are a million to one. 

[Ginger]: Then there's still a chance.  

Now, the most important thing is, we have to work as a team, 
which means: you do everything I tell you.

[Rocky]

[Rocky]: Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. 

You wanna get every chicken in this place out of here 'at the same time'?

[Ginger]: Of course.

[Rocky]: You're certifiable! You can't pull off a stunt like that. That's suicide. 

[Ginger]: Where there's a will, there's a way. 

[Rocky]: Couldn't agree more. And I 'will' be leaving 'that' way. 

[Rocky]: Listen. Shh. You hear that? [silence] That's the open road calling my name, and I was born to answer that call. Bye. [he leaves]

[Babs]: He must have very good hearing.

[Nick]: The exits are located here and here. 

In the quite likely event of an emergency, put your head between your knees... 

[Fetcher]: and kiss your bum goodbye! 

*****

MISS CONGENIALITY [2000]

Unpolished

Unkempt

Unleashed

Undercover

The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus! 

[Gracie Hart]

I haven't seen a walk like that since 'Jurassic Park!'

[Victor Melling]

If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... 

which is perhaps why I've never reproduced. 

[Victor Melling]

[Gracie Hart]: I would so love to hurt you right now. 

[Victor Melling]: As long as you smile. 

[Victor Melling]: What, no armored car?

[Gracie Hart]: That would be in my other dress. 

[Victor Melling]: Your hair should make a statement. 

[Gracie Hart]: As long as it doesn't say 'Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'! 

[Victor Melling, teaching Gracie how to glide]: See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. 

Don't I look pretty? 

[Gracie Hart]: It takes a very secure man to walk like that.

[Gracie Hart]: My teeth - What are you going to do with my teeth? 

[Victor Melling]: Hopefully, remove the beer stains and steak residue. 

[Victor Melling]: In place of friends and relationships, you have sarcasm and a gun!

[Gracie Hart]: Oh, 'I' have sarcasm? 

When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain? 

[Victor Melling]: Ah! That is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist - 
and that works for me! 

[Gracie Hart]: You know what? 

I don't have relationships because I don't want them, 
 an-an-and I don't have friends because I work 24/7. 

And you have no idea why I am the way that I am.

[Eric Matthews]: What do you say, Hart? 

[Gracie Hart]: No freakin' way. 

[Eric Matthews]: Sparky, why not?

[Gracie Hart]: Cause I'm not gonna parade around in a swimsuit like some airhead bimbo that goes by the name, what, Gracie Lou Freebush and all she wants is world peace? 

[Eric Matthews]: It won't be like that. 

Come on, you're an important member of the undercover team.

[Gracie Hart]: Yeah, right, in a thong.  

[Eric Matthews]: Hart, listen to me. I've waited five years to run my own op. 

You think I'd blow it on the wrong girl? 

[Gracie Hart]: No no no, I know the only reason you picked me was because I was the only one who looked half decent in a bikini and wasn't on maternity leave. 

[Eric Matthews]: No, that's why they 'let' me pick you. 

You wanna know why I picked you? 

[Gracie Hart]: Lost a bet?

[Eric Matthews]: Because you're smart. 

Because you don't take any crap from people. 

You're funny. 

You're easy to talk to when you're not armed. 

Look, give yourself a break. 

Cut Vic and the other pagent ladies some slack cause if they ever get a chance to see what I see then... they're gonna love you.

[Gracie Hart]: Where am I gonna keep my gun?

[Eric Matthews]: Nowhere I wanna know about!

[Eric Matthews]: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this. 

[Gracie Hart]: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. 

And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts. 

[Eric Matthews]: Funny, me too.

[Stan Fields]: What is the one most important thing our society needs? 

[Gracie Hart]: That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan. 

[crowd is silent] And world peace! [crowd cheers ecstetically]

[Stan Fields]: Thank you, Gracie Lou. 

[Gracie Hart]: And thank 'you', Stan.

[Gracie walks offstage]

[Victor Melling]: That was charming. Are you drunk? 

[Gracie Hart]: I'm glad you enjoyed it. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go unscrew my smile!  

[Stan Fields]: Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.

[Cheryl 'Rhode Island']: That's a tough one. 

I'd have to say April 25th. 

Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.

[Cheryl 'Rhode Island']: My idea of a perfect date would be a man who takes me to a romantic dinner, and then we walk along the beach barefoot discussing books and - and music and - and movies. 

[Karen 'New York']: No wonder you're still a virgin. 

[Kathy Morningside]: New Jersey, as you know, there are many who consider the Miss United States Pageant to be outdated and anti-feminist. 

What would you say to them? 

[Gracie Hart]: Well, I would have to say... I used to be one of them. 

And then I came here and I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are just trying to make a difference in the world. 

And we've become really good friends. 

I mean, I know we all secretly hope the other one will trip and fall on her face... oh, wait a minute, I've already done that! 

And for me this experience has been one of the most rewarding and liberating experiences of my life.

[Victor Melling]: My God, I did it! 

[Gracie Hart]: And if anyone, anyone tries to hurt one of my new friends, I would take them out. 

I would make them suffer so much that they'd wish they were never born. 

And if they ran, I would hunt them down. 

Thank you, Kathy. 

[Victor Melling]: A brief shining moment and then that mouth! 

*****

THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE [2000]

It's All About... ME

The name is Kuzco... Emperor Kuzco.
I was the world's nicest guy, and they ruined my life for no reason.
~Kuzco

Kuzco: You're fired.
Yzma: Fired?
W-W-What do you mean, fired?
Kuzco: Hm, how else can I say it?
You're being let go, your department's being downsized,
you're part of an outplacement,
we're going in a different direction, we're not picking up your option.
Take your pick, I got more.

Kuzco: You got prettysweet little set-up there on top of that hill, don't you?
Pacha: Yeah, my family has lived on that hilltop for the last 6 generations.
Kuzco: Uh-huh. So tell me, where do you find you get the most sun?
Pacha: Oh, I'd say just on the other side of those trees.
When the sun hits that ridge just right, these hills sing.
Kuzco: Well, that settles it.
Pacha: Really?
Kuzco: Yeap, problem solved. Thank's for coming.
Pacha: That's it?
That's all you wanted me for?
Kuzco: I just needed an insider's opinion before I okayed this spot for my pool.
Pacha: Uh... your pool?
Kuzco, placed the palace miniatur onto Pacha's house miniatur: Boo-yah!
Welcome to Kuzcotopia, my ultimete summer gateaway, complete with water slide.
Pacha: What?
Kuzco: Isn't it great?
It's my birthday gift to me. [giggle] I'm so happy.
Pacha: Erh... I don't understand how this could happen.
Kuzco: Well, let me clear it up for you.
At my birthday celebration tomorrow, I give the word, and your town will be destroyed,
to make way for this.
So, if I were you, I'd pick up some change-of-address forms on the way home.
Pacha: But, but... where will we live?
Kuzco: Hm... don't know, don't care.
How's that?
When I give the word, your little town thingy will be bye-bye.

Pacha: Where's you come from, little guy?
Kuzco, as llama, hangover: No touchy.
Pacha, freak out: Demon llama!!!
Kuzco, shock: Demon llama? Where?
[llok around and see Pacha's llama, then they both scream]

Demon llama, take it easy.
I mean you no harm.
~Pacha

[getting tied-up at the tree branch, floating on the water]
Pacha: Uh-oh.
Kuzco: Don't tell me.
We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Pacha: Yeap.
Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Pacha: Most likely.
Kuzco: Bring it on.

Kuzco: But now that you're here, you will take me back to the palace.
I'll have Yzma change me back,
and then I'll start construction on Kuzcotopia.
Oh yeah.
Pacha: Okay, now look,  I think we got off on the wrong foot here.
I just think if you really thought about it,
you'd decide to build your home on a different hilltop.
Kuzco: And why would I do that?
Pacha: Because... deep down I think you'll realize that you're forcing an entire village 
out of their homes just for you.
Kuzco: And that'sssss bad?
Pacha: Well, yeah.
Nobody's that heartless.
Kuzco, nod: Now take me back.
Pacha: What? Wait wait... how can you be this way?
All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you.
Kuzco: Uh, yeah, doy, me.
Everyone else in the kingdom gets it.
You're the only one that doesn't seem to be with the programme, eh, Pacha?
Pacha: You know what?
Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
Kuzco: Thank's for that, I'll log that away.
Now, for the final time, I order you to take me back to the palace.
Pacha: Looks to me like you're stuck out here.
Because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back.

Pacha, punch Kuzco: That's for going back on your promise!
Kuzco, kick Pacha: Yeah, that's for kidnapping me and taking me to your village,
which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way.
Pacha, plow Kuzco: Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you?
I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but, oh, you proved me wrong.
Kuzco: Oh, boo-hoo, now I feel really bad, bad llama.
Pacha: I could've let you die out there in that jungle,
and then all my problems would be over.
Kuzco: Well, that makes you ugly and stupid.

Pacha: You just saved my life.
Kuzco: Huh? So?
Pacha: I knew it.
Kuzco: Knew what?
Pacha: That there is some good in you after all.
Kuzco: Oh, no.
Pacha: Admit it.
Kuzco: Wrong.
Pacha: Yes, there is.
Kuzco: Nuh-uh.
Pacha: I think there is.
Kuzco: Nuh-uh.
Pacha: Hey, you could've let me fall.
Kuzco: Come on, what's the big deal?
Nobody's that hearless! [gasp]
Don't read too much into it.
It was a one-time thing.

Kuzco: Okay, I admit it.
Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been.
But, Yzma, do you really want to kill me?
Yzma: Just think of it as you're being let go,
that your life's going in a different direction,
that your body's part of a permanent outplacement.
Kronk: Hey, that's kind of like what he said to you when you got fired.
Yzma: I know. It's called a cruel irony.

So, you lied to me.
You said when the sun hits this ridge just right, these hills sing.
Well, pal, I was dragged all over those hills, and I did not hear any singing.
So, I'll be building my summer home on a more magical hill.
Thank you.
~Kuzco


*****

THE FAMILY MAN [2000]

What If...


 You wanna do something great, Jack?
Let's flush the plan, let's start our lives right now, today.
I have no idea what this life is gonna look like, but I know that it has the both of us in it.
And I choose us.
The plan doesn't make us great, Jack.
What we have together, that's what makes us great.
~Kate

Jack: Hey, Peter, let me ask you a question.
An old girlfriend calls you out of the blue on Christmas eve, what do you do?
Peter: You suddenly having trouble getting dates?
Jack: Yeah...
Peter: Leave it in the past.
Old flames are like old tax returns. Put 'em in the file cabinet for 3 years.

Cash: This man thinks I need to be saved, yo!
Jack: Everybody needs something.
Cash: Yeah? Well, what do you need, Jack?
Jack: Me?
Cash: Yeah. You just said that everybody needs something.
Jack: I got everything I need.
Cash: Wow, it must be great being you.
Jack: I'm not saying that you'd be able to do it without some hard works, honest hard works, and possibly some medicine.
Cash, chuckles: I'm gonna really enjoy this.
You just remember that you did this, Jack, okay?
You brought this on yourself.
Merry Christmas.

Cash: The way you intervened in the store last night, you did a good thing there, Jack.
It was incredibly impressive.
Jack: Please just tell me what's happening to me, in English, without the mumbo-jumbo.
Cash: This is a glimpse, Jack.
Jack: A glimpse? A glimpse of what?
Cash: You're gonna have to figure that out for yourself. You've got plenty of time.
Jack: How much time?
Cash: As much time as it takes, which in your case is probably gonna be considerable.
Jack: Okay, look, I just want my life back, okay?
What's it gonna take? You wanna talk turkey? Let's turkey. How much money?
Cash: It doesn't work like that and I can't tell you why.
Jack: Why not?
Cash: Because you have to figure this thing out for yourself.
Are you listening to me?
Jack: Figure it out... figure it out what?
Cash: Let it come to you, man.

Arnie: Look, you fit the profile exactly in your 30's, house, kids, financial responsibilities.
You start thinking this isn't the life I thought about.
Where's the romance, you know?
Where's the joie de vivre?
Suddenly every lingerie ad in the Newark Star-Ledger represents a life that you can't have.
Jack: It's just 2 kids, right?
Arnie: All right, sometimes it feels like you gave up the whole world, I know that.
But look what you got! [point to the house] Look at that!
4 bedrooms, 2-and-half baths, a partially finished basement, and good kids.
You know what? You probably don't wanna hear this right now.
Remember last summer when I almost had that thing with our engineers staff, you remember what you said to me?
You said, "Don't screw up the best thing in your life, just because you're a little unsure about who you are."

Annie: Promise you won't kidnap me and my brother and plant stuff in our brains?
Jack: Sure.
Annie, smiling: Welcome to Earth.

Jack: Oh, God, you're beautiful.
Kate: Thanks, Jack.
Jack: No, I'm serious.
You're really stunning.
Kate: This is good stuff. I want you to keep this up.
Jack: You were always a very pretty girl in college, no question about that.
But this, you've really grown to the beautiful woman.
Kate: How can you do that?
Jack: What?
Kate: Look at me like you haven't seen me every day for the last 13 years.

Jack: Do you have any idea what my life is like?
I wake up in the morning covered in...
I drop the kids off, spend 8 hours selling tires retail. Retail, Kate.
I pick the kids up, walk the dog, which by the way, carries the added bonus of carting away her monstrous crap.
I play with the kids, take out the garbage, get 6 hours of sleep if I'm lucky, then everything starts all over again.
So what's in it for me?
Kate: You know, it's sad to hear that your life is such a disappointment.
Jack: I can't believe it isn't a disappointment to you!
Jesus, Kate, I could have been a thousand times the man I became.
I could have been one of the richest Forbes...
How could you do this for me? How could you let me give up on my dreams like this?
Really, I want to know...
Kate: Who are you?
Jack: All right, look, I'm sorry.
Maybe I'm not the same guy that I was when I got married.
Kate: Maybe you're not.
Because the Jack Campbell I married would not need $2,400 suit to feel better about his life.
But if that's what it's gonna take it, buy it!

Jack: I just sometimes wonder how we ended up here.
I mean, back in the college, did you see us here?
Kate: Life has thrown us a few surprises.

Jack: So we had a baby, Big Ed had a heart attack, bought that house and I've been working for ever since.
Sayonara Wall Street.
Our life in a nutshell.
Kate: If you want to look at it that way.
Jack: How would you look at it?
Kate: A great success story.

Jack: I just saw Evelyn Thompson.
Arnie: She's relentless.
Jack: She wants to have an affair with me.
Arnie: She said that?
Jack: Pretty much.
Arnie: What is it about you?
Jack: So, if you would write her exact address down there, please...
Arnie: Whoa, whoa, whoa... hold on a second.
You're not actually thinking about cheating on Kate, are you?
Jack: Well, it wouldn't really be cheating, Arnie. It's complicated.
Arnie: Maybe I haven't been as good a consigliere as you've been to me, but listen to me,
a little flirtation is harmless, but you're dealing with fire here, man.
The Fidelity Bank & Trust is a tough creditor.
You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account forever, all right?
Jack: Arnie, I don't want your head to explode,
but I'm telling you, those rules don't apply to me.
Arnie: I'm not talking about rules, Jack.
I'm talking about... you're...
There isn't a guy in Union County who wouldn't to be with Kate.
She's amazing, and you're gonna fuck it up.
Just think about that, all right?

Kate: I think about it too. I do.
I wonder about what kind of life I would have had if I hadn't married to you.
Jack: And?
Kate: And then I realize I've just erased all the things in my life that I'm sure about.
 You and the kids.
Jack: Good things.
Kate: Yeah.
What are you sure about?
Jack: I'm sure that right now, there's nowhere else I'd rather be than here with you.

My God, all this time, I never stopped loving you.
~Jack Campbell

Jack: I need to do that as a man. For all of us.
Please just think about this for one second.
No more lousy restaurants.
No more clipping coupons.
No more shoveling snow.
Kate: Then get a goddamn snowblower, Jack!
Don't go get a new career without even telling me about it.
And don't take Annie out of school she loves.
Don't move us out of a house we've become a family in.
Jack: I'm talking about us, finally having a life that other people envy.
Kate: Oh, Jack, they already do envy us.

When you got on that plane, I was sure it was over.
I left the airport afraid I'd never see you again.
And then you showed up the very next day.
That was a good surprise.
You know, I think about the decision you made.
Maybe I was being naive, but I believed that we would grow old together in this house,
that we'd spend holidays here and have our grandchildren come visit us here.
I had this image of us all gray and wrinkly,
and me, working in the garden, and you repainting the deck.
But things change.
If you need this, Jack, if you really need this,
I will take these kids from a life they love, 
and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together,
and I'll move wherever you need to go.
I'll do that because I love you.
I love you, and that's more important to me than our address.
I choose us.
~Kate

Jack: I'm not going back, you understand me?
You can't do this.
You can't keep coming in and out of people's lives, messing things up, it's not right.
Cash: A glimpse by definition, is an impermanent thing, Jack.

Jack: I need you to remember me, Kate.
How I am right now, at this very moment.
I need you to put that image in your heart.
Keep it with you no matter what happens.
Kate: Are you okay?
Jack: Yeah.
Please just promise me.
You have to promise me, because if you don't, I don't think I can live with that.
Kate: I promise.
Jack: Promise me again.
Kate: I promise.

We have a house in Jersey.
We have 2 kids, Annie and Josh.
Annie's not much of a violin player, but she's try real hard.
She's a little precocious, but that's only because she said what's in her mind.
And when she smiles...
And Josh, he has your eyes.
He doesn't say much, but we know he's smart.
He's always got his eyes open, he's always watching us.
Sometimes you can look at him and you just know he's learning something new.
It's like witnessing a miracle.
The house is a mess, but it's ours.
After 122 more payments, it's going to be ours.
And you, you're a non-profit lawyer.
That's right, you're completely non-profit.
But that doesn't seem to bother you.
And we're in love.
After 13 years of marriage, we're still unbelievably in love.
You won't even let me touch you till I've said it.
I sing to you.
Not all the time, but definitely on special occasions.
And we've dealt with our share of surprises and made a lot sacrifices, but we stayed together.
You're a better person than I am, and it made me a better person to be around you.
Maybe it was all just a dream.
Maybe I went to bed one lonely night and I imagined it all, 
but I swear, nothing's ever felt more real.
And if you get on that plane right now, it'll disappear forever.
I know we could both go on with our lives, but I've seen what we could be like together.
And I choose us.
~Jack Campbell





 
*****