BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY [2001]

All Women Keep Score... 

Only The Great Ones Put It In Writing

It is a truth universally acknowledged that 
when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces

[Bridget]

Resolution #1: Uggg - will obviously lose 20 lbs. 

#2: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. 

Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. 

Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things. 

[Bridget]

I've been going crazy. 
I can't stop thinking about you, and thinking about what an idiot I've been. 
Christ, is that blue soup? 

[Daniel Cleaver]

[Daniel Cleaver]: First, have some more wine, and then tell me the story about practicing French kissing with the art girls at school, because it's a very good story. 

[Bridget]: It wasn't French kissing. 

[Daniel Cleaver]: Don't care, make it up. That's an order, Jones. 

[Daniel Cleaver]: Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. 

If I can't make it with you then I can't make it with anyone. 

[Bridget]: That's not a good enough offer for me. 

[Mark Darcy]: All right Cleaver, outside.

[Daniel Cleaver, half laughing]: I'm sorry? Outside? 

Should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword?

[Mark Darcy]: I like you, very much.

[Bridget]: Ah, apart from the smoking and the drinking, the vulgar mother and... ah, the verbal diarrhea.

[Mark Darcy]: No, I like you very much. Just as you are. 

[Bridget]: I owe you an apology about Daniel. 

He said you ran off with his fiancée and left him brokenhearted.

[Mark Darcy]: No, it was the other way around. My wife. My heart.

[Bridget]: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. 

Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant... 

After all, it's only a diary. 

Everyone knows diaries are just... full of crap.

[Mark Darcy]: Yes, I know that. I was just buying you a new one.

[Mark Darcy]: Bridget!

[Bridget]: Mark... What are you doing here? 

[Mark Darcy]: I was just wondering if you were available for Bar Mitzvahs and Christenings in addition to Ruby Weddings.

[Bridget]: I thought you were in America. 

[Mark Darcy]: Well I was... but I realized I had forgotten something here. 

[Bridget]: Which was...? 

[Mark Darcy]: Well, I realized that I had forgotten to... kiss you goodbye, do you mind? 

[Bridget]: Umm... not really, no. So... does this mean you're 'not' going to America? 

[Mark Darcy]: No... not. 

[Bridget]: Does this mean you're staying here? 

[Mark Darcy]: It would seem so...

*****

SHALLOW HAL [2001]

True Love Is Worth The Weight!

[Hal]: See, the problem is I'm kinda picky 

[Tony Robbins]: What do you mean, picky? 

[Hal]: Well, for instance, I like 'em real young. 

Like, did you ever see Paulina in her first 'Sports Illustrated' layout? 

[Tony Robbins]: You're looking for a young Paulina type? 

[Hal]: Well, that face, but with better headlights. 

You know how hers have kind of dimmed lately? 

Heidi Klums beams would do. And her teeth. 

Or, ooh, that Britney Spears girl. She's got great knockers. But she's a tad muscular. 

Uh, actually, you know what? Her ass would do, too, if she had a better grille. 

Like, uh, Michelle Pfeiffer back when she did "Grease 2". 

But she'd have to be a little smilier than Michelle. 

Kinda like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, before she got Stamosed. But not as skinny. 

 Someone a little meatier, like Heidi. But without the accent. 

You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah. They really get old fast. 

You know what I mean. Someone like that. 

[Tony Robbins]: Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women? 

[Hal]: Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit, too. 

[Tony Robbins]: Ok Hal, hypothetical situation; 

Which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain? 

[Hal]: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?

[Hal]: There's Rosemary. 

[Mauricio]: Where? 

[Hal]: Right there! 

[Mauricio]: Is she behind the Rhino?

[Rosemary]: Hal, do me a favor and stop saying that I'm pretty and that I'm not fat, ok? 

Cause it makes me uncomfortable.

[Hal]: Umm, ok. Do you have a problem with compliments? 

[Rosemary]: Look, I know what I am and I know what I'm not. 

I'm the girl who, you know, gets really good grades and who's not afraid to be funny. 

And I'm the girl who has a lot of friends who are boys and no boyfriends. 

I'm not beautiful, ok, and I never will be. 

And I'm fine with that. 

But when you go around saying I'm something that I'm not, it's just, it's just not nice. 

I saw the way your friend Mauricio looked at me; 

I thought he was going to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and tag my ear. 

[Rosemary]

*****

THE WEDDING PLANNER [2001]

His Big Day Is Her Big Problem

[seeing Steve picking out his colorful chocolate]
Mary: What are you doing?
Steve: I only eat the brown ones.
Mary: Because?
Steve: 'Cause I figure they have less artificial coloring cause chocolate's already brown.
Mary: That's very scientific of you, dr. Steve.

Mary: I don't know, Fran.
I've been so out of the dating-relationship loop.
Fran: You?
Mary: You know, those who can't do, teach?
Those who can't wed, plan.

[while they're dancing]
Mary: You told me your name was Steve.
Steve: It is Steve.
My last name is Edison.
Fran calls me Eddie. It's a nickname.
Mary: I have a better nickname for you.
How about common, cheating, sleazy...
Steve: If you're thinking...
Mary: What I'm thinking involves a machete and a pair of pliers.
Steve: Okay... the day that you had the accident...
Mary: That was a special day.
Steve: It was.
I was running late.
I was meeting Fran and our wedding planner, which you turned out to be.
What's the odds?
Mary: Don't dance around the issue.
You didn't show cause you don't wanna get married.
I see it all the time.
Steve: You see what?
Mary: Why'd you tell your fiance you saved an old lady?
[Steve cannot answer her]
Exactly!
You think you want to get married, but you don't.
You're pitiful and confused, looking to get some hot pepper wherever you can.
Steve: Mary, you have no idea what you're talking about.
Mary: Then why did you go to the movies with me?
Steve: Why did Steve go to the movies with you? Let's see...
First of all, Steve likes the movie.
Steve had the night off.
Steve said, "Hey, you know what? A movie sounds good."
Plus he got an invitation.
Mary: Why is Steve referring to himself in the third person?
Steve: What are you talking about?
Mary: You think you can double- talk your way out, throw me off your scent?
I smell you!
Steve: And I smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches.
Mary: What?
Steve: Yes. You said that before you passed put.
Mary: I did not!
Steve: You did too.
If anybody was looking to get some, it's M-A-R-Y.
Mary: You are hideous.
Steve: Then why'd you ask me to dance?
Mary: I didn't.
Steve: You did too.
Mary: I did not!
Steve: You said, "Would you like to dance?"
Mary: And even if I did, I'm not the one who's engaged.
Steve: It was a dance, whoop-dee-doo, it didn't mean anything.
Mary: Then why'd you almost kiss me?

Penny: There's only one good reason to quit a wedding is if you break the cardinal rule...
which is ridiculous because we both know you did not fall in love with the groom.
[Mary makes a guilty expression]
No! You didn't! Bad!
Mary: No, no, of course not!
I'd never get emotionally involved.
Never! Never!
It's the doctor.
Penny: I'm confused. Is it the doctor, or did you fall for the groom?
Mary: No, the doctor is the groom.
The groom is the doctor.
The doctor is Fran Donolly's fiance!
-
Dr. John: The dumpster girl is your wedding planner?
Steve: Yes. I'm in hell.
Dr. John: And I'm in heaven.
Now you can fix me up with her.
Steve: I'm not fixing you up, Dr. John.
Look, this is complicated enough.
-
Penny: You are one of the top wedding planners in this great, big, thriving metropolis.
Look on the positive side.
He got you to open up again.
Tank the bastard and move on.
You cannot tell me you would sacrifice your entire career over this!
-
Dr. John: You're not telling me that you think it's a mistake to marry Fran now?
Steve: No, I don't think it's a mistake to marry Fran.
Fran is great.
It's just that... what if what I think is great really is great,
but it's not as great as something greater?
-
Penny: You will go through with this wedding!
 Why?
Because you deserve this partnership. You've earned it!
Mary: You're right.
Penny: Of course I'm right!
Mary: Of course you're right.
-
Dr. John: Your feelings for her, that's not chemistry, that's anxiety.
It's nature.
Steve: It' natural.
Naturaalll. 
It's not chemistry, it's anxiety.
-
Mary: I can do this. I can plan this wedding.
-
Steve: And the feelings I have for Fran run deep.
It's not something that can be swept away in one night with one dance.
Dr. John: Not gonna happen.
Steve: What the hell was I thinking?
Dr. John: You were thinking wrong.
Steve: I was thinking wrong.
I was being a jackass. Come on, Steve.
-
Mary: And I can treat that jackass like any other faceless groom.
That's just what I'm gonna do.
Why?
Because he's nothing!
Because I love a challenge!
And because I am a goddamn professional!
-
Dr. John: So, you're gonna give me her number?
Steve: No, I'm not.

You want a confession in blood?
That night, at the movie, I was attracted to you.
I was. You caught me. I admit it.
Maybe I was a little unsure about the whole marriage thing, I don't know.
Maybe I was just being a guy and an opportunity presented itself.
Bottom line? I never thought I'd see you again.
Bottom line? Nothing happened.
Bottom line? Now, more than ever, I believe Fran is the one for me.
So, I would say, based on the evidence,
all your theories on love sound like the rantings of a bitter, cynical woman.
~Steve Edison

We met on the day of our wedding.
We couldn't even look at each other.
I was in love with another girl, and your mother wanted nothing to do with me.
She said I had big eye brows and a low IQ.
Anyway, one day I got very sick with scarlet fever and she stayed by my side.
She took good care of me.
For the first time, I appreciated her.
Then the appreciation grew to respect.
Respect grew to like.
Then like grew to love.
A deeper love than I could ever hope for.
~Salvatore Fiore

You need to learn patience.
Love can't always be perfect.
Love is just love.
~Massimo

Steve: I barely know you.
I don't know your dad's first name.
I don't know if you ever wore braces or contacts or glasses.
I have no idea how you came to be a wedding planner, Mary.
But I know the curves of your face, and I know every feck of gold in your eyes.
And I know that that night in the park was the best time I've ever had.
Please say something.
Mary: I'm a magnet for unavailable men, and I'm sick of it.
It's simple.
I know Fran.
I respect her.
And she loves you.
So, beside your tux measurements, that's all I need to know.

I know I never done the right thing, I never say the right thing, and I act like a fool.
I know I say we're just buddy-buddy friends, but that would not be true to my heart.
So I ask you this one question.
And if you answer no, then I will leave you alone once and for all.
Be my wife, Mary Fiore, and I will take care of you and be true to you.
And like this house I built for your dolls, I will make sure you have a strong roof over your head.
If you answer is yes, then no one will ever love you as much as I love you.
If you answer is yes, you will make me the happiest man on the earth.
~Massimo

Salvatore: I look in your eyes and it hurts me inside.
This is not what you want. This is what I want.
Shame on me!
Mary: I'm so lucky to have a father like you.
But you're right.
Love isn't like some enchanted evening, isn't a fairy tale, or even love at first sight.
That isn't real life.
Massimo's a good man, don't worry, Papa.
I know what I'm doing.
I'm just all grown up now.

[while Mary picking up the colored chocolates]
Steve: Why are you only eating the brown ones?
Mary: Because someone once said that they had less artificial coloring,
because chocolate's already brown.
And it kind of stayed with me.
Steve: You kind of stayed with me.


*****

MOULIN ROUGE! [2001]

Every Man Wanted Her

But One Man Dared To Love Her

Christian: I can't write the show for the Moulin Rouge!
Toulouse: Why not?
Christian: I don't even know if I am a true Bohemian revolutionary.
Toulouse: Do you believe in beauty?
Christian: Yes...
The Unconscious Argentinean: Freedom?
Christian: Yes, of course.
Pianist: Truth?
Christian: Yes...
Doctor: Love?
Christian: Above all things, I believe in love.
Love is like oxygen.
Love is a many-splendored thing.
Love lifts us up where we belong.
All you need is love!
Toulouse: See, you can't fool us.
You're the voice of The Children of The Revolution.

Outside, it may be raining.
But in here it's entertaining.
The Moulin Rouge is a place to be.
Outside, things may be tragic.
 But in here we feel it's magic.
~Harold Zidler

The Duke: What's the story?
Zidler: The story?
The Duke: If I'm to invest, I need to know the story.
Zidler: The story's about... Toulouse?
Toulouse: The story is... The story's about... It's about...
Christian: It's about love.
The Duke: Love?
Christian: It's about love overcoming all obstacles.
Toulouse: And it's set in Switzerland.
The Duke: Switzerland?
Zidler: Exotic Switzerland.
Christian: India! India! It's set in India!
And there's a courtesan, the most beautiful courtesan in all the world.
But her kingdom's invaded by an evil maharajah.
Now, in order to save her kingdom, she has to seduce the evil maharajah.
But on the night of the seduction, she mistakes a penniless...
a penniless sitar player for the evil maharajah,
and she falls in love with him.
He wasn't trying to trick her.
But he was dressed as a maharajah because he's appearing in a play.
The Unconscious Argentinean: I will play the penniless tango-dancing sitar player.
 He will sing like an angel but dance like the devil.
The Duke: Yes, all right. And what happens next?
Christian: The penniless sitar player and the courtesan they have to hide their love from the evil maharajah.
Pianist: The sitar player's sitar is magical.
It can only speak the truth.
Toulouse: And I will play the magical sitar.
[to Satine] You are beautiful.
[to Zidler] You are ugly.
[to The Duke] And you...
[everyone cover his mouth]
The Duke: And he gives the game away, eh?
All: Yes!
Zidler: Tell him about the cancan!
Christian: The Tantric cancan...
Zidler: It's an erotic, spectacular scene that captures the thrusting, violent, vibrant, wild,
Bohemian spirit, that this whole production embodies, Duke.
The Duke: What do you mean by that?
Zidler: I mean the show will be a magnificent, opulent, tremendous, stupendous, gargantuan bedazzlement! A sensual ravishment.
It will be... Spectacular Spectacular.
No words in the vernacular can describe this great event.
You'll be dumb with wonderment returns are fixed at 10%.
You must agree that's excellent.
And on top of your fee...
All: You'll be involved artistically.
[singing]
So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer
So delighting it will run for 50 years
So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer
 So delighting it will run for 50 years

The Duke: But what happens in the end?
 Christian: The courtesan and sitar man are pulled apart by an evil plan
Satine: But in the end she hears his song
Christian: And their love is just too strong

Christian: Before, when we were... when we were...
When you thought I was The Duke, you said that you loved me,
and I wondered...
Satine: If it was just an act?
 Christian: Yes.
Satine: Of course.
Christian: It just felt real.
Satine: Christian, I'm a courtesan.
I'm paid to make men believe what they want to believe.
Christian: Silly of me, to think you could fall in love with someone like me.
Satine: I can't fall in love with anyone.
Christian: Can't fall in love?
But, a life without love? That's terrible!
Satine: No, being on the street, that's terrible.
Christian: No, Love is like oxygen.
Love is a many-splendored thing.
Love lifts us up where we belong.
All you need is love.
Satine: Please don't start that again.
Christian, singing: All you need is love.
Satine: A girl has to eat.
Christian: All you need is love.
Satine: Or she'll end up on the streets.
Christian: All you need is love...
Satine, singing: Love is just a game.
Christian: I was made for loving you, baby, you were made for loving me.
Satine: The only way of loving me, baby, is to pay a lovely fee.
Christian: Just one night, give me just one night.
Satine: There's no way cause you can't pay.
Christian: In the name of love, one night in the name of love.
Satine: You crazy fool, I won't give in to you.
Christian: Don't leave me this way.
I can't survive without your sweet love.
Oh baby, don't leave me this way.
Satine: You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs.
Christian: I look around me and I see it isn't so.
Satine: Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs.
Christian: Well, what's wrong with that? I'd like to know.
Cause here I go again...
Love lifts us up where we belong
Where eagles fly on a mountain high.
Satine: Love makes us act like we are fools.
Throw our lives away for one happy day.
Christian: We could be heroes... just for one day.
Satine: You... you will be mean.
And I... I'll drink all the time.
Christian: We should be lovers...
Satine: We can't do that.
Christian: We should be lovers... And that's a fact.
Satine: Though nothing will keep us together.
Christian: We could steal time...
Christian & Satine: Just for one day.
We could be heroes, forever and ever.
We can be heroes...
Christian: Just because I will always love...
Satine: I.....
Christian & Satine: Can't help loving...
Christian: You...

How wonderful life was now Satine was in the world.
~Christian

Zidler: Are you mad?
The Duke holds the deeds to the Moulin Rouge.
He's spending a fortune on you.
He's given you a beautiful new dressing room.
He wants to make you a star.
And you're dallying with the writer?
Satine: Harold, don't be rid...
Zidler: I saw you together!
Satine: It's nothing.
It's just an infatuation. It's nothing.
Zidler: The infatuation will end.
Go to the boy, tell him it's over.
The Duke is expecting you in the tower at 8.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you, until the end of time
Come what may... Come what may
I will love you, until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storms clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you, until the end of time
Come what may... Come what may
I will love you, until my dying day

The Duke: I don't like this ending.
Zidler: Don't like the ending, my dear Duke?
The Duke: Why would the courtesan choose a penniless sitar player over the maharajah
who is offering a lifetime of security?
That's real love.
Once the sitar player has satisfied his lust he will leave the courtesan with nothing.
I suggest that in the end, the courtesan choose the maharajah.
Toulouse: But, but, sorry...
But that ending does not uphold the Bohemian ideals of truth, beauty, freedom...
The Duke: I don't care about your ridiculous dogma!
Why shouldn't the courtesan choose the maharajah?
Christian: BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!
Him... Him...
She doesn't love... She doesn't love him.
The Duke: Now I see.
Monsieur Zidler, this ending will be rewritten
with the courtesan choosing the maharajah and without the lover's secret song.
It will be rehearsed in the morning, ready for the opening tomorrow night.

Don't worry, Shakespeare, you'll get your ending.
Once The Duke gets his end in.
~Nini

Never fall in love with a woman who sells herself.
It always ends bad!
~The Unconscious Argentinean

 We have a dance in the brothels of Buenos Aires.
It tells the story of a prostitute and a man who falls in love with her.
First, there is desire.
Then, passion.
Then, suspicion.
Jealousy, anger, betrayal.
When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust.
Without trust, there is no love.
Jealousy will drive you mad.
~The Unconscious Argentinean

Zidler: Send Christian away.
Only you can save him.
Satine: He'll fight for me.
Zidler: Yes. Unless he believes you don't love him.
Satine: What?
Zidler: You're a great actress, Satine.
Make him believe you don't love him.
Use your talent to save him.
Hurt him. Hurt him to save him.
There is no other way.
The show must go on, Satine.
We're creatures of the underworld, we can't afford to love.

Christian: Tell me the truth!
Satine: The truth is I am the Hindi courtesan.
And I choose the maharajah.
That's how the story really ends.

I've come to pay my bill.
You made me believe you loved me, why shouldn't I pay you?
You did your job so very, very well.
Why can't I pay you like everyone does?
If you don't love me and it wasn't real, why can't I pay you?
Let me pay! Let me pay!
Tell me it wasn't real!
Tell me you don't love me!
~Christian

[to The Duke] This woman is yours now.
I've paid my whore.
[to Satine] I owe you nothing and you are nothing to me.
Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love.
~Christian

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Come back to me and forgive everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
I love you till the end of time
Come what may... Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Come what may... Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Christian: I love you.
Satine: You've got to go on, Christian.
Christian: I can't go on without you.
Satine: You've got so much to give.
Tell our story, Christian.
Promise me... Promise me...
That way, I'll always be with you.


*****

A KNIGHT'S TALE [2001]

He Will Rock You

[William]: Father, I am afraid, I won't know the way back home. 

[John Thatcer]: Don't be foolish, William, you just follow your feet.

[William]: Your name lady, I still need to hear it.

[Jocelyn]: Sir hunter, you persist. 

[William]: Or perhaps angels have no names, only beautiful faces.

[Jocelyn]: Damn your pride, William. It is you and only you that will not see you run. 

[William]: My pride is the only thing that they can't take from me. 

[Jocelyn]: They can take it away from you, they can and they will. Oh, they will. 

But love they cannot take. 

[Jocelyn]: Run and I will run with you. 

[William]: I cannot run!

Even the peasants can marry for love. 

[Jocelyn]

[Jocelyn]: Sir Ulrich. What are you wearing to the ball tonight? 

[William]: Er... nothing... 

[Jocelyn]: Well, we shall cause a sensation, for I'll dress to match. 

[William]: Don't you ever get tired of putting on clothes? 

[Chaucer, whispers]: I believe she was talking about taking them off, sir. 

[Jocelyn]: A flower is only as good as its petals. Don't you think? 

[William]: A flower is good for nothing. You can't eat a flower, a flower can't keep your warm... 

[Jocelyn]: And a rose never knocked a man off a horse either, did it?

[William]: You're just a silly girl aren't you. 

[Jocelyn]: Better a silly girl with a flower, than a silly boy with a horse and a stick... [she walks away]

[Wat]: It's called a lance. Heellooo? 

It's a small target Will, but aim for his heart.

[Chaucer]

*****