SHALLOW HAL [2001]

True Love Is Worth The Weight!

[Hal]: See, the problem is I'm kinda picky 

[Tony Robbins]: What do you mean, picky? 

[Hal]: Well, for instance, I like 'em real young. 

Like, did you ever see Paulina in her first 'Sports Illustrated' layout? 

[Tony Robbins]: You're looking for a young Paulina type? 

[Hal]: Well, that face, but with better headlights. 

You know how hers have kind of dimmed lately? 

Heidi Klums beams would do. And her teeth. 

Or, ooh, that Britney Spears girl. She's got great knockers. But she's a tad muscular. 

Uh, actually, you know what? Her ass would do, too, if she had a better grille. 

Like, uh, Michelle Pfeiffer back when she did "Grease 2". 

But she'd have to be a little smilier than Michelle. 

Kinda like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, before she got Stamosed. But not as skinny. 

 Someone a little meatier, like Heidi. But without the accent. 

You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah. They really get old fast. 

You know what I mean. Someone like that. 

[Tony Robbins]: Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women? 

[Hal]: Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit, too. 

[Tony Robbins]: Ok Hal, hypothetical situation; 

Which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain? 

[Hal]: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?

[Hal]: There's Rosemary. 

[Mauricio]: Where? 

[Hal]: Right there! 

[Mauricio]: Is she behind the Rhino?

[Rosemary]: Hal, do me a favor and stop saying that I'm pretty and that I'm not fat, ok? 

Cause it makes me uncomfortable.

[Hal]: Umm, ok. Do you have a problem with compliments? 

[Rosemary]: Look, I know what I am and I know what I'm not. 

I'm the girl who, you know, gets really good grades and who's not afraid to be funny. 

And I'm the girl who has a lot of friends who are boys and no boyfriends. 

I'm not beautiful, ok, and I never will be. 

And I'm fine with that. 

But when you go around saying I'm something that I'm not, it's just, it's just not nice. 

I saw the way your friend Mauricio looked at me; 

I thought he was going to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and tag my ear. 

[Rosemary]

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