AMERICA'S SWEETHEART [2001]

Being America's Sweethearts Isn't Always Easy

Everyone hates me, everyone wants a piece of me. 

My therapist is out of the country, I wasn't nominated for a Golden Globe this year! 

Leave me alone! 

[Gwen]

[Kiki]: You really need to go to this junket. 

[Gwen, shakes her head]: No. 

[Kiki]: Why not? 

[Gwen]: I'm afraid. 

[Kiki]: Of...? 

[Gwen]: That I'll see Eddie and he'll be this destroyed, pathetic mess and I'll feel guilty. 

And I'm tired of feeling guilty, Kiki, I really am. 

[Kiki]: I know. 

[Gwen]: I'm always thinking about other people. 

[Kiki]: I know you are. 

[Gwen]: It's awful when you're the only person who cares about other people's feelings. 

If they see Eddie and he's down and depressed, they're going to pity him and blame me. 

[Kiki]: So, what you're really worried about is you. 

[Gwen]: Of course. 

[Kiki]: You know what this is? This is high school all over again. Nothing has changed. 

You wanted to break up with one of your boyfriends in high school, did you do it? 

No! You made me do it. 

[Gwen]: I did not! 

[Kiki]: Oh, please! Let's just refresh your memory. Robert Mancuta?

[Gwen]: Eww! 

[Kiki]: Kyle Hassler? 

[Gwen]: Oh, God... 

[Kiki]: Toby Franks? Half the lacrosse team? Ring a bell? Huh? 

By the end of the year, I was the most hated girl in school.

[Gwen]: That's not true. 

[Kiki]: My quote in the yearbook was, 'Hey, we have to talk.' I was despised. 

[Gwen]: You love me. 

[Eddie]: Yes, I do. I do love you. 

I love that beautiful, bright, sexy woman up on the screen... 

[Gwen, to the crowd]: See? He loves me. 

[Eddie]: Yeah, the girl I used to make movies with. 

But that's not the real you. 

That's you pretending to be real, which you're really good at. 

So when I'm with you in real life, I think I'm going to be with the real you, but I'm not. 

I'm with the real you that's with me right now, not the real you from the movies, 
and I don't want to be with... 'you'. 

[Eddie]: That's a nice necklace. 

[Kiki]: It's not really mine.

[Eddie]: I know. 

[Kiki]: It's Gwen's. 

[Eddie]: I know. 

[Kiki]: She gave it to me. 

[Eddie]: And I gave it to her.

[Kiki]: I know.

[Eddie]: Kiki! Kiki! Hold on, hold on. I want to talk. Look... 

[Kiki]: Let go of me! 

[Eddie]: Just... I want to talk! 

[Kiki]: I don't want to talk to you! 

[Eddie]: Why not? 

[Kiki]: Because you're an idiot! 

[Eddie]: Well? 

[Kiki]: You know what? For that matter, I'm an idiot, too! 
In that respect, we're actually quite perfect for each other.

[Eddie]: This is a very complicated situation... 

[Kiki]: Well, let me uncomplicate it for you, huh? 
Forget about what happened between us, Eddie. It's not going to work, all right? 
I mean, last night... last night was great. 
But then she calls you this morning and you just cannot wait to get out the door to get to her! 
What is that? 
It's just not going to work, 'cause you will probably always be thinking about her, 
and I will probably always be wondering if you were thinking about her. 
I just... I just need you to know one thing. 

[Eddie]: What? 

[Kiki]: That woman that you saw by the pool the other night... 

[Eddie]: Yeah... 

[Kiki]: No, that woman that you just have to spend the rest of your life with...
That was me. 

[Eddie]: I am grateful for you. In all the world, thing I am most grateful for is you. 

[Kiki]: If that's a line from one of your movies... 

[Eddie]: No, that one's mine. 

[Kiki, after got kiss from Eddie]: What was that? 

[Eddie]: Another stupid thing. 

[Eddie]: I blew it. I lost her. 

[Lee]: Guy goes to his rabbi. 
He says, 'I think my wife's trying to poison me.' 
Rabbi says, 'Let me talk to her.' 
Comes back a little later and says, 
'Listen, I spoke to your wife for three hours. Take the poison.' 
You get it? 
You and Gwen are over. 

[Eddie]: I don't care about Gwen! I'm talking about Kiki. 

*****

SERENDIPITY [2001]

Destiny ... 
With A Sense Of Humor

Jonathan: Where did you find this place?
Sara: I first came in because of the name.
Serendipity.
It's one of my favorite words.
Jonathan: It is? Why?
Sara: 'Cause it's such a nice sound for what it means: a fortunate accident.
Except I don't really believe in accidents.
I think fate's behind everything.
Jonathan: Oh, you do? Fate's behind everything?
Sara: I think so.
Jonathan: Everything's predestined?
We don't have any choice at all?
Sara: No, I think we make our own decisions.
I just think that fate sends us little signs,
and it's how we read the signs that determinas whether we're happy or not.
Jonathan: Little signals.
Fortunate accidents.
Lucky discoveries.
Like Colombus and America.
Sara: Yeah. Or Fleming discovering...
[both of them] Penicillin.
Jonathan: Fleming is his name?
Sara: Yes.
Jonathan: Or "Jonathan and the Gloves".
Sara: I don't know that one.
Jonathan: You don't know that story?
It's an old folk tale. Classic.
Our hero, Jonathan, goes out in search of black gloves.
And in the perfect act of seredipiocity or serendipaciousness,
he runs into a beautiful attractive English girl with a boyfriend.

Jonathan: So, you're gonna meet your boyfriend now, or what?
Sara: No, I think he's probably out doing what you're doing.
Jonathan: Getting a crush on someone else's girlfriend?

Jonathan: Here's the story.
 A long time ago in Ethiopia, there was this queen named Cassiopeia,
who taught she was the most beautiful woman in the entire world,
and there wasn't anybody in the kingdom who wasn't offended
by this woman's relentless vanity.
And then one day, she really screwed up and offended the gods.
I don't remember what she did and I don't remember who she offended.
But it was bad.
She crossed the line.
But anyway, Poseidon, the sea god,
punished Cassiopeia by placing her in the heavens upside down in her throne,
stuck for eternity with her skirt around her shoulders,
and all the blood rushing to her head.
And now she's just a constellation in the sky,
a bunch of English freckles in the shape of a throne.
So she made one tragic mistake.
Sara: And paid for eternity.

Sara gives him $5 and a pen: Write your name and number down.
Jontahan: On a $5 bill?
Sara: Just do it.
Jonathan: You are a strange and interesting woman.
Now what?
Sara: Wait here.
[she cross the street and buy a peppermint with that money]
Jonathan: Hey, what the hell was that?
Sara: When that $5 bill makes its way back into my hands, I'll be able to call you.
And when you hear my voice on the other end, then you'll believe in fate, won't you?

Sara: See this book?
When I got home tonight, I'm gonna write my name and number inside this book.
And then first thing tomorrow morning, I'll sell it to a used-book store.
Jonathan: Which one? [Sara shrugging]
You're not gonna tell me, you're not gonna tell me, why not?
Sara: Now, every time you go past an old bookstore,
you're gonna have to go inside to see if it's there.

I honestly think it's dangerous to use the term 'soulmate'.
It implies there's some magical element that we have no control over, like fate or destiny.
I think holding onto beliefs like that stops us doing the real work.
~Sara Thomas

The universe keeps revealing her to me, screwing with my head.
~Jonathan Trager

Dean: Why would you risk your relationship with Halley just to search for some pipe dream?
Jonathan: I'm sure that I love Halley, all right?
And maybe every time you fall in love with somebody,
it's a completely different experience, so it's a mistake to compare them.
It's like Halley is The Godfater, Part II.
Dean: She's what?
Jonathan: Godfather, Part II.
That was an incredible movie.
Might be better than the original, all right?
But no matter how much you love The Godfather, Part II,
you still have to see the original to understand and appreciate the sequel, don't ya?

You see, that is what happens when people get hooked on the New Age life.
They end up sitting at home burning candles for Mr. Right,
when Mr. Good Enough For Right Now is waiting at the corner bar.
~Eve

I've just spent the entire flight staring into the sky, thinking.
Not about my fiance, but about this mystery guy I met a million and a half hours ago.
A guy I don't even remember, except for this vague picture I have inside my head.
It was just a few seconds. A fragment, really.
And it was like in that moment,
the whole universe existed just to bring us together.
That's why I'm here.
That's why I'm gonna let fate take me wherever it wants to go.
Because when all this is over,
at least I'm never gonna have to think of him ever again.
Let's just pray he's a bald fascist who picks his nose and wipes it under the car seat.
~Sara Thomas

 Jonathan: It's not a clue. It's a sign.
Dean: What's the difference?
Jonathan: A clue is what a detective uses to find a suspect.
The receipt, the warehouse, that French guy...
Those are clues. [points to bridal shop] This is a sign.
Me never finding the book, that's a sign.
Sara never finding the $5 bill, that's a sign.
Dean: How could something not happening be a sign?
Jonathan: Maybe the absence of signs is a sign.

Dean: If you don't do this. you may never find out who Sara is.

Jonathan: Maybe I was never supposed to.

Maybe all this is just a maze designed to lead me directly back to where I started.

Which is getting married.

Do you remember the philosopher Epictetus?

He said, "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."

That's what you've done.

~Dean Kansky

*****

ANASTASIA [1997]

Discover The Adventure Behind The Greatest Mystery Of Our Time

 Saint Petersburg is gloomy.
Saint Petersburg is bleak.
My underwear got frozen standing here all weak.
Since the revolution out lives have been so gray.
Thank goodness for the gossip that gets us through the day.
Have you heard there's a rumour in Saint Petersburg?
Have you hear what they're saying on the street?
Although The Czar did not survive, one daughter may be still alive.
The Princess Anastasia.
It's a rumour, a legend, a mystery.
Something whispered in an alleyway or through a crack.
It's a rumour, that's part of our history.
They say her royal grandmamma will pay a royal sum.
To someone who can bring the princess back.

Everything's going according to plan.
All we need is a girl.
Just think, Vlad, no more forging papers, no more stolen goods.
We'll have 3 tickets out of here,
one for you, one for me, and one for Anastasia.
~Dmitri

I am grateful, grateful to get away.
"Go left," she says.
Well, I know what's to the left.
I'll be 'Anya the orphan' forever.
But if I go right, maybe I could find... whoever gave me this necklace must have loved me.
~Anya

Heart don't fail me now, courage don't desert me,
don't turn back now that we're here.
People always say, life is full of choices, no one ever mentions fear,
or how the world can seem so vast, on the journey to the past.
Somewhere down this road I know someone's waiting,
years of dreams just can't be wrong.
Arms will open wide, I'll be safe and wanted, finally home where I belong.
Well starting now I'm learning fast, 
on this journey to the past.
Home, love, family, there was once a time I must have had them, too.
One hope then another, who knows where this road may go?
Back to who I was, on to find my future, things my heart still needs to know.
Yes, let this be a sign, let this road be mine, let it lead me to my past,
and bring home at last.
~Anya

Dmitri: Do you ever think about the posibillity?
Anya: That I could be royalty? [Dmitri & Vladimir shook their head]
Well, I don't know, 
it's kind of hard to think of yourself as a duchess when you're sleeping on a damp floor.
But sure, every lonely girl would hope she's a princess.

Take it easy there, sir, really, you should watch your blood pressure.
My nephew, Izzie, just keeled over one day, mid-mango.
Stress, it's a killer, sir.
And he's a fruit bat. 
No meat, no blood even.
~Bartok

Just wishing I could do the job for you, sir.
I'd give her a ahhh,
and a haiyyaaaa,
and then whoo-ahhhh,
and I'd kick her, sir.
~Bartok

Look at me, Dmitri.
I am not exactly grand duchess material here.
~Anya

There is nothing left for you back there, my dear.
Everything is in Paris.
~Vladimir

I should never let them dance.
~Vladimir

Three days ago I didn't have any past at all
and now I'm trying to remember an entire lifetime.
~Anya

Sophie: Finally, you'll most likely find this an impertinent question, but indulge me.
How did you escape during the siege of the palace?
Anya: There was a boy... a boy who worked in the palace.
He opened a wall. [giggles]
I'm sorry, that's crazy... walls opening...

Vlad: WEEEE DID IT!!!
We're going to see The Imperial Highness tonight.
We're going to get the 10 million roubles.
We're going to be...
Dmitri: Vlad... Vlad... She is the princess.
Vlad, ignoring him: Anya was extraordinary! I almost believed her!

Dmitri: We don't have anything to be nervous about.
She's the princess.
Vlad: I know, I know, but...
Dmitri: No, no, you don't know.
I was the boy in the palace, the one who opened the wall.
She's the real thing, Vlad.
Vlad: That means our Anya has found her family.
We have found the heir to the Russian throne.
And you...
Dmitri: Will walk out of her life forever.
Vlad: But...
Dmitri: Princesses don't marry kitchen boys.

Tell that impertinent young man that I have seen enough Grand Duchess Anastasias
to last me a lifetime.
~Dowager Empress Marie

Dowager Empress Marie: I know what you're after.
I've seen it before.
Man who trained young women in the royal ways.
Dmitri: But Your Highness, will you just listen?
Dowager Empress Marie: Haven't you been listening? I've had enough!
I don't care how mush you have fashioned this girl to look like her,
sound like her or act like her.
In the end, it is never her!
Dmitri: This time it is her.

Sir, I'm begging you.
Please, please, forget the girl and get a life.
~Bartok

Dowager Empress Marie: Young man, where did you get that music box?
You were the boy, weren't you?
The servant boy who got us out.
You saved her life, and mine, then you restored her to me.
Yet, you want no reward?
Dmitri: Not anymore.
Dowager Empress Marie: Why the change of mind?
Dmitri: It was more a change of heart.

Dowager Empress Marie: He's not there.
Anya: Oh, I know he's not here...
Who's not there, Grandmamma?
Dowager Empress Marie: A remarkable young man who found a music box.
Anya: Well, he's probably too busy spending his reward money as fast as he can.
Dowager Empress Marie: Look at them dance.
You were born into this world of glittering jewels and fine titles.
But I wonder if this is what you really want.
Anya: Of course, of course it is.
I found what I was looking for.
I found out who I am.
I found you.
Dowager Empress Marie: Yes, you did find me.
And you'll always have me.
But is it enough? [hug her]
My darling, he didn't take the money.
Anya: He didn't?
Dowager Empress Marie: Knowing that you are alive, 
seeing the woman you have become, bring me joy I never thought I could feel again.
Whatever you choose, we will always have each other.

Rasputin!!!
Destroyed by your despicable family.
But what goes around, comes around.
~Rasputin

Sophie: They've eloped. Isn't it romantic?
It's a perfect ending.
Dowager Empress Marie: No, it's a perfect beginning.


*****