... Look Closer
[Jane Burnham]: I need a father who's a role model,
not some horny geek-boy who's gonna
spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school.
What a
lame-o.
Someone really should just put him out of his misery.
[Ricky Fitts]: Want me to kill him for you?
[Jane Burnham]: Yeah. Would you?
[Ricky Fitts]: It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second,
and if you're careful... you can look right back.
[Jane Burnham]: And what do you see?
[Ricky Fitts]: Beauty.
I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years.
And I'm just now waking up.
[Lester Burnham]
It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself.
Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about.
[Lester Burnham]
Remember those posters that said, 'Today is the first day of the rest of
your life'?
Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die.
[Lester Burnham]
You better watch yourself, Jane,
or you're going to turn into a real BITCH, just like your MOTHER!
[Lester Burnham]
You ungrateful little brat!
Just look at everything you have.
When I was
your age, we... lived in a duplex!
We didn't even have our own house!
[Carolyn Burnham]
My company sells an image. It's part of my job to live that image.
[Carolyn Burnham]
There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man.
There's plenty of joy in my life.
[Carolyn Burnham]
Welcome to America's weirdest home videos.
[Ricky Fitts]
She's not your friend.
She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself.
[Ricky Fitts]
I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are.
[Ricky Fitts]
It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and
there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right?
And
this bag was just dancing with me.
Like a little kid begging me to play
with it.
For fifteen minutes.
That's the day I realized that there was
this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force
that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever.
Video's a
poor excuse, I know.
But it helps me remember... I need to remember...
Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take
it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
[Ricky Fitts]
I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.
[Angela Hayes]
If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me,
it means I really have a shot at being a model.
[Angela Hayes]
[at the dinner table]
[Carolyn Burnham]: Your father and I were just discussing his day at work.
Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?
[Lester Burnham]: Janie, today I quit my job.
And then I told my boss to go fuck himself,
and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars.
Pass the
asparagus.
[Carolyn Burnham]: Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of.
[Lester Burnham]: And your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking
prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink.
[Carolyn Burnham]: How dare you speak to me that way in front of her.
And I marvel that you
can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you LOSE your job.
[Lester Burnham]: Lose it? I didn't lose it.
It's not like, 'Whoops! Where'd my job go?'
I QUIT.
Someone pass the asparagus, please.
[Lester Burnham]: I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist.
You two do
whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain.
[Carolyn Burnham]: Oh, you don't complain?
Then please, excuse me, I must be psychotic,
then! If you don't complain, what is this? Yeah, let's bring in the
laugh-meter and see how loud it gets.
[Lester Burnham, throws asparagus plate to wall]: Don't interrupt me, honey!
Oh, yeah, and one more thing, from now on we're going to have alternate
dinner music because frankly - and I don't think I'm alone here...
[looks in Jane direction]
I'm tired of this Lawrence Welk shit!
[Angela Hayes]: Jane, he's a freak!
[Jane Burnham]: Then so am I!
And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other
people
and you'll never be a freak because you're just too... perfect!
[Jane Burnham]: I don't think we can be friends anymore.
[Angela Hayes]: You're way too uptight about sex.
[Jane Burnham]: Just don't fuck my dad, all right? Please?
[Angela Hayes]: Why not?
[Lester Burnham]: I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers.
I need to shape up. Fast.
[Jim Olmeyer]: Are you just looking to lose weight,
or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?
[Lester Burnham]: I want to look good naked!
[Brad Dupree]: ...so I'm sure you can understand the need to cut corners around here.
[Lester Burnham]: Sure. Times are tight, and you need to free up cash.
Gotta spend money to make money.
[Brad Dupree]: Exactly.
[Lester Burnham]: Like when our editorial director used the company MasterCard to pay for a
hooker, and then she used the card number to stay at the St. Regis for,
what was it, three months?
[Brad Dupree]: That's unsubstantiated gossip.
[Lester Burnham]: That's fifty thousand dollars.
That's somebody's salary.
Somebody who's
probably gonna get fired because Craig has to pay women to fuck him!
[Brad Dupree]: Jesus. Calm down. Nobody's getting fired yet.
That's why we're having
everyone write a job description, mapping out in detail how they
contribute.
That way, management can assess who's valuable and who's...
[Lester Burnham]: Expendable.
[Brad Dupree]: It's just business.
[Brad Dupree, reading Lester's job description]: 'My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell.'
Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself.
[Lester Burnham]: Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry.
The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.
[Brad Dupree]: Management wants you gone by the end of the day.
[Lester Burnham]: Well, just what sort of severance package is management prepared to
offer me?
Considering the information I have about our Editorial
Director buying pussy with company money - which, I think, would
interest the I.R.S.,
since it technically constitutes fraud;
and I'm
sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications might like to
know about it as well.
Not to mention [grin] Craig's wife!
[Brad Dupree, crosses his arms]: What do you want?
[Lester Burnham]: One year's salary, with benefits.
[Brad Dupree]: That's not going to happen.
[Lester Burnham]: Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?
[Brad Dupree, chuckles in disbelief]: Against who?
[Lester Burnham, chuckles right back]: Against YOU.
Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?
[Brad Dupree]: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
[Lester Burnham]: Nope; I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
*****
