ALONG CAME POLLY [2004]

For The Most Cautious Man On Earth, 

Life Is About To Get Interesting

I know that I have a .013% chance of being hit by a car on my way home. 

Or a one in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate. 

So I try to manage that risk by avoiding danger 

and having a plan and knowing what my next move is. 

And I guess you don't exactly live your life that way. 

Yeah... which is great, but I'm not gonna ever be a dirty dancer, 

and I don't eat food with my hands, 

and I really like you, 

but I just don't think this is gonna work out.  

[Reuben Feffer]

Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarassed, 

and just physically sick then I have in my entire life. 

But I could not have gone through that, 

I could not have thrown up 19 times in 48 days if I was not in love with you.  

[Reuben Feffer]

I've been living my life, okay? 

I've been in good relationships and I've been in shitty ones... 

and I've moved alot... 

and I've been happy, and I've been sad... 

and I've been lonely... 

and that is what I've been doing. 

Which is a lot more then I can say for some freak, 

who thinks he's gonna get the Ebola virus from a bowl of mixed nuts. 

[Polly Prince]

[Reuben Feffer]: No Lisa, I'm not going to take you back 

[Lisa Kramer]: What, why? 

[Reuben Feffer]: Well, you screwed a SCUBA instructor on our honeymoon. 

What kinda cold-hearted bitch will do that to someone they love. 

I have to be an idiot to take you back.

Oh and by the way, I threw away all your little throw pillows. 

Yea. Cuz throw pillows suck. 

They serve no purpose. 

They're purely decorative.  

[Reuben to Lisa]

*****

MEET THE PARENTS [2000]

First Comes Love

Then Comes The Interrogation

I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, 
I will bring you down, baby. 

I will bring you down to Chinatown. 

[Jack Byrnes]

[Pam Byrnes]: I had no idea you could milk a cat!

[Greg Focker]: Oh, you can milk just about anything with nipples. 

[Jack Byrnes]: I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me? 

[Late Night Courier]: Gaylord M. Focker? 

[Greg Focker]: That's me. 

[Jack Byrnes]: I thought your name was Greg.

[Greg Focker]: It is.

[Late Night Courier]: That's not what it says here.

[Greg Focker]: Gaylord is my legal name. Nobody's called me by it since third grade. 

[Dennis Byrnes]: Wait a minute, so your name is Gay Focker? 

I love your daughter, Jack. I love her more than anything. 

But frankly sir, I'm a little terrified of being your son-in-law. 

This whole weekend has given me a lot of doubts about whether or not I could even survive in your family. 

I think you've got some serious issues. 

[Greg Focker]

[Jack Byrnes]: If you married my daughter, would you support her in the way that she deserves to be supported?

[Greg Focker]: Yes.

[Jack Byrnes]: Would you be honest and faithful to her? 

[Greg Focker]: Yes. 

[Jack Byrnes]: Will you devote yourself entirely to her for the rest of your life? 

[Greg Focker]: Of course.

[Jack Byrnes]: Gaylord Focker, will you be my son-in-law?

*****