HITCH [2005]

The Cure For The Common Man

Basic principles: no woman wakes up saying, 

'God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!' 

Now, she might say, 'This is a really bad time for me,' 

or something like, 'I just need some space,' 

or my personal favorite, 'I'm really into my career right now.' 

You believe that? 

 Neither does she. 

You know why? 

Because she's lying to you, that's why. 

You understand me? 

Lying! 

It's not a bad time for her. 

She doesn't need any space. 

And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is, 

'Uh, get away from me now,' or possibly, 'Try harder, stupid.' 

But which one is it? 

Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 

thirty percent is your tone. 

So that means that ninety percent of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. 

Of course she's going to lie to you! 

She's a nice person. 

She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. 

What else she going to say? 

She doesn't even know you... yet. 

Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, 

even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, 

and that's where I come in. 

My job is to open her eyes. 

Basic principles: no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... 

any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. 

He just needs the right broom.

[Hitch]

 Like I always tell my clients - begin each day as if it were on purpose.

[Hitch]

So how does it happen, great love? 

Nobody knows... but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. 

One moment you're enjoying your life, 

and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them.

[Hitch]

Relationships are for people who are just waiting for something better to come along. 

[Sara]

Hey, if he's stupid enough to cheat, 

then the world should know he's dumb enough to get caught.

[Sara]

You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, 

feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? 

But, at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness, 

even if it's never going to be with you?

[Albert]

There is more to life than to watch other people live it. 

[Max]

[Hitch]: Heard of Michelangelo? Heard of the Sistine Chapel?

[Albert]: Yeah? 

[Hitch, points at himself]: Michaelangelo, [points at Albert] Sistine Chapel.

[Albert]: So you're saying you can make this work?

[Hitch]: My name is Alex Hitchens. Let's go paint that ceiling.

[Sara]: So, you kinda like me, huh?

[Hitch]: No. I love you. 

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