THE PACIFIER [2005]

Welcome To The Infantry

From this position, it is relatively easy to manipulate your opponent. 
Thus we have the chicken wing, the arm bar, the crow bar 
and my personal favorite - the pacifier.

[Shane Wolfe]

When you're down and low, lower than the floor. 
And you feel like you ain't got a chance. 
Bom, bom, bom, Don't make a move till you're in the groove 
And do the Peter Panda Dance [clap twice] 
Just hop three times like a kangaroo 
Side-step twice just like those/the crabs do 
Three steps forward, one step back. 
Quick like a turtle, lie on your back! 
Roll like a log till you can't roll no more! 
Better jump up quick like there ain't no floor. 
Hold your breath, and jump/step/slide to the left. 
And that's the Peter, I swear that's the Peter, That's the Peter Panda Dance! 
Goodnight, Peter Panda!

[Shane Wolfe]

[Lulu Plummer]: Do you know Kung Fu?

[Shane Wolfe]: Yes. 

[Lulu Plummer]: Have you ever hit a guy so hard his head came off?

[Shane Wolfe]: No. 

[Lulu Plummer]: Why are your boobs so big?

[Shane Wolfe, shocked]: They are not... boobs.

[Lulu Plummer]: Do you have to wear a bra?

[Shane Wolfe]: What?

[Lulu Plummer]: Will mine be as big as yours one day?

[Shane Wolfe]: Isn't it about time you go nappy-poo in beddy-bye land?

[Lulu Plummer]: Do I look like I'm five?

[Shane Wolfe]: What did I say?

[Lulu Plummer]: Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you.

*****

A WALK TO REMEMBER [2002]

Find Out Who You Are 

And Do It On Purpose

 

 Jamie: This is a star frame. It will help you locate stars with your naked eye.
 Mercury and Jupiter can be seen just over the west horizon after sunset.
Dean, passing by: Bet you can see angels up there, flying around.
Jamie: In fact, there are things that could be called miraculous.
Einstein said the more he studied the universe, the more he believed in a higher power.
Dean: If there is a higher power, why can't he get you a new sweater?
Jamie: He's too busy looking for your brain.

Jamie: Please don't pretend like you know me, okay?
Landon: But I do. I do.
We have all the same classes since kindergarten.
Why, you're Jamie Sullivan, you sit at lunch table 7.
It's not the reject table, but it's definitely self-exile territory.
You have exactly one sweater.
You look at your feet when you walk.
And for fun, you tutor on weekends and hang out with the Stars and Planets kids.
How's that sound?
Jamie: Fairly predictable. Nothing I haven't heard before.

Jamie: You don't care about classes, 
but you like school because you're popular and you'll never be on top again.
Landon: That's thoroughly predictable.
Jamie: Your act only works on an audience.

Jamie: 42.
Landon: What do you mean, 42?
Jamie: 42 is befriend somebody I don't like.
It's a to-do list I have for my life.
Landon: Like getting a new personality?
Jamie: Join the Peace Corps, make a medical discovery...
Landon: Ambitious.
Jamie: Be in 2 places at once, get a tattoo.
Landon: What's number 1?
Jamie: I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you.

Jamie: Landon Carter's asking me for help?
Landon: Yeah.
Jamie: Okay, I'll pray for you. [walk away]
Landon: Jamie, look...
Jamie: You've obviously never asked anybody for help before, right?
A request like yours requires flattery and groveling.
It can't be all about you. It has to be for the common good.
Landon: It is for the common good. Eddie Zimmerhoff deserves the best.
Please?
Jamie: Okay, one condition, though.
Landon: What's that?
Jamie: You have to promise you won't fall in love with me.
Landon, chuckles: That's not a problem.

Landon: I get it.
Jamie: Get what?
Landon: That you're into all this stuff. [point at the telescope]
Jamie: This stuff...
I have my beliefs, I have faith, but don't you?
Landon: No. There's too much bad shit in this world.
Jamie: Without suffering, there's no compassion.
Landon: Tell that to those who suffer.

Landon: I was hoping we could run lines together.
Jamie: Okay, but just not so anybody knows, right?
Landon: I just figured we could surprise everyone with how good I get.
Jamie: Like, we could be secret friends...
Landon: Exactly! It's like you're reading my mind.
Jamie: Great! Maybe you could read mine?
[Jamie going inside her house]
Landon: Jamie, I can't just be your friend.
Jamie: Landon, I thought I saw something in you. Something good.
But I was very wrong.

Landon: Maybe I miss spending time with you. Maybe you inspire me.
Jamie: Sounds like bull.
Landon: Which part?
Jamie: All of it.
Landon: It's not.
Jamie: Prove it!

Jamie: You've no idea how to be a friend.
Landon: I just don't want that.
Jamie: You don't know what you want.
Landon: You're scared someone wants you.
Jamie: Why would that scare me?
Landon: You couldn't hide behind books, or your fricking telescope, or your faith.
[Jamie walks away]
No. You know the real reason why you're scared?
It's because you want to be with me too.

Eric: You got Belinda thinking that little lip action between you and Jamie was kind of real.
[sigh] What's with you, man?
You don't have time for your real friends anymore.
Landon: I don't know, buddy. I'm just over it.
I'm sick and tired of doing the same shit all the time.
Eric: This girl's changed you and you don't even know it.
Landon: Let me guess, Belinda say that too?
Eric: No. I did.

Rev. Sullivan: Boys like that [point at Landon] they have... they have expectations.
The rules around here are not gonna change.
Jamie: Fine.
Rev. Sullivan: You might not care what I say or think, but you should care about God's opinion.
Jamie: I think He wants me to be happy.

I'm sorry I haven't treated Jamie the way I should have.
She deserves more than that.
I'm asking you for the same thing that you teach us everyday in church.
And that's faith.
~Landon Carter

Jamie: How can you see places like this and have moments like this, and not believe?
Landon: You're lucky to be so sure.
Jamie: It's like the wind.
I can't see it, but I feel it.
Landon: What do you feel?
Jamie: I feel wonder and beauty, joy, love...
I mean, it's the center of everything.
Landon: I might kiss you.
Jamie: I might be bad at it.
Landon: That's not possible. [kiss her]
Jamie, I love you.
[Jamie didn't say anything]
Now would be the time to say something.
Jamie: I told you not to fall in love with me.

Landon: So, what's your number one?
Jamie: To marry in the church where my mother grew up.
That's where my parents were married.

Jamie: I'm sick. I have leukemia.
Landon: No. You're 18, you're perfect.
Jamie: I found out 2 years ago.
I've stopped responding to treatments.
Landon: So why didn't you tell me?
Jamie: The doctor said I should go on and live life normally, as best I could.
I didn't want anybody to be weird around me.
Landon: Including me?
Jamie: Especially you!
I was getting along and everything's fine.
I accepted it, and then you happened!
I do not need a reason to be angry with God.

Eric: Talk to me, man.
Landon: About what?
Eric: About you... about Jamie...
Landon: What's there to talk about?
She's the best person I've ever known.

Landon: Are you scared?
Jamie: To death. [cheer him up] Lighten up.
Landon: It's not funny.
Jamie: I'm scared of not being with you.
Landon, hug her: Oh, baby, that will never happen.

Belinda: I guess you're with who you should be.
It's like she chose you.
Landon: Yeah, I don't even know why.
Belinda: I do.

Find out who you are and do it on purpose.

Landon: Do you love me?
Jamie: Mm-hm.
Landon: Will you do something for me then?
Jamie: Anything.
Landon: Will you marry me?

 *****

THE WEDDING PLANNER [2001]

His Big Day Is Her Big Problem

[seeing Steve picking out his colorful chocolate]
Mary: What are you doing?
Steve: I only eat the brown ones.
Mary: Because?
Steve: 'Cause I figure they have less artificial coloring cause chocolate's already brown.
Mary: That's very scientific of you, dr. Steve.

Mary: I don't know, Fran.
I've been so out of the dating-relationship loop.
Fran: You?
Mary: You know, those who can't do, teach?
Those who can't wed, plan.

[while they're dancing]
Mary: You told me your name was Steve.
Steve: It is Steve.
My last name is Edison.
Fran calls me Eddie. It's a nickname.
Mary: I have a better nickname for you.
How about common, cheating, sleazy...
Steve: If you're thinking...
Mary: What I'm thinking involves a machete and a pair of pliers.
Steve: Okay... the day that you had the accident...
Mary: That was a special day.
Steve: It was.
I was running late.
I was meeting Fran and our wedding planner, which you turned out to be.
What's the odds?
Mary: Don't dance around the issue.
You didn't show cause you don't wanna get married.
I see it all the time.
Steve: You see what?
Mary: Why'd you tell your fiance you saved an old lady?
[Steve cannot answer her]
Exactly!
You think you want to get married, but you don't.
You're pitiful and confused, looking to get some hot pepper wherever you can.
Steve: Mary, you have no idea what you're talking about.
Mary: Then why did you go to the movies with me?
Steve: Why did Steve go to the movies with you? Let's see...
First of all, Steve likes the movie.
Steve had the night off.
Steve said, "Hey, you know what? A movie sounds good."
Plus he got an invitation.
Mary: Why is Steve referring to himself in the third person?
Steve: What are you talking about?
Mary: You think you can double- talk your way out, throw me off your scent?
I smell you!
Steve: And I smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches.
Mary: What?
Steve: Yes. You said that before you passed put.
Mary: I did not!
Steve: You did too.
If anybody was looking to get some, it's M-A-R-Y.
Mary: You are hideous.
Steve: Then why'd you ask me to dance?
Mary: I didn't.
Steve: You did too.
Mary: I did not!
Steve: You said, "Would you like to dance?"
Mary: And even if I did, I'm not the one who's engaged.
Steve: It was a dance, whoop-dee-doo, it didn't mean anything.
Mary: Then why'd you almost kiss me?

Penny: There's only one good reason to quit a wedding is if you break the cardinal rule...
which is ridiculous because we both know you did not fall in love with the groom.
[Mary makes a guilty expression]
No! You didn't! Bad!
Mary: No, no, of course not!
I'd never get emotionally involved.
Never! Never!
It's the doctor.
Penny: I'm confused. Is it the doctor, or did you fall for the groom?
Mary: No, the doctor is the groom.
The groom is the doctor.
The doctor is Fran Donolly's fiance!
-
Dr. John: The dumpster girl is your wedding planner?
Steve: Yes. I'm in hell.
Dr. John: And I'm in heaven.
Now you can fix me up with her.
Steve: I'm not fixing you up, Dr. John.
Look, this is complicated enough.
-
Penny: You are one of the top wedding planners in this great, big, thriving metropolis.
Look on the positive side.
He got you to open up again.
Tank the bastard and move on.
You cannot tell me you would sacrifice your entire career over this!
-
Dr. John: You're not telling me that you think it's a mistake to marry Fran now?
Steve: No, I don't think it's a mistake to marry Fran.
Fran is great.
It's just that... what if what I think is great really is great,
but it's not as great as something greater?
-
Penny: You will go through with this wedding!
 Why?
Because you deserve this partnership. You've earned it!
Mary: You're right.
Penny: Of course I'm right!
Mary: Of course you're right.
-
Dr. John: Your feelings for her, that's not chemistry, that's anxiety.
It's nature.
Steve: It' natural.
Naturaalll. 
It's not chemistry, it's anxiety.
-
Mary: I can do this. I can plan this wedding.
-
Steve: And the feelings I have for Fran run deep.
It's not something that can be swept away in one night with one dance.
Dr. John: Not gonna happen.
Steve: What the hell was I thinking?
Dr. John: You were thinking wrong.
Steve: I was thinking wrong.
I was being a jackass. Come on, Steve.
-
Mary: And I can treat that jackass like any other faceless groom.
That's just what I'm gonna do.
Why?
Because he's nothing!
Because I love a challenge!
And because I am a goddamn professional!
-
Dr. John: So, you're gonna give me her number?
Steve: No, I'm not.

You want a confession in blood?
That night, at the movie, I was attracted to you.
I was. You caught me. I admit it.
Maybe I was a little unsure about the whole marriage thing, I don't know.
Maybe I was just being a guy and an opportunity presented itself.
Bottom line? I never thought I'd see you again.
Bottom line? Nothing happened.
Bottom line? Now, more than ever, I believe Fran is the one for me.
So, I would say, based on the evidence,
all your theories on love sound like the rantings of a bitter, cynical woman.
~Steve Edison

We met on the day of our wedding.
We couldn't even look at each other.
I was in love with another girl, and your mother wanted nothing to do with me.
She said I had big eye brows and a low IQ.
Anyway, one day I got very sick with scarlet fever and she stayed by my side.
She took good care of me.
For the first time, I appreciated her.
Then the appreciation grew to respect.
Respect grew to like.
Then like grew to love.
A deeper love than I could ever hope for.
~Salvatore Fiore

You need to learn patience.
Love can't always be perfect.
Love is just love.
~Massimo

Steve: I barely know you.
I don't know your dad's first name.
I don't know if you ever wore braces or contacts or glasses.
I have no idea how you came to be a wedding planner, Mary.
But I know the curves of your face, and I know every feck of gold in your eyes.
And I know that that night in the park was the best time I've ever had.
Please say something.
Mary: I'm a magnet for unavailable men, and I'm sick of it.
It's simple.
I know Fran.
I respect her.
And she loves you.
So, beside your tux measurements, that's all I need to know.

I know I never done the right thing, I never say the right thing, and I act like a fool.
I know I say we're just buddy-buddy friends, but that would not be true to my heart.
So I ask you this one question.
And if you answer no, then I will leave you alone once and for all.
Be my wife, Mary Fiore, and I will take care of you and be true to you.
And like this house I built for your dolls, I will make sure you have a strong roof over your head.
If you answer is yes, then no one will ever love you as much as I love you.
If you answer is yes, you will make me the happiest man on the earth.
~Massimo

Salvatore: I look in your eyes and it hurts me inside.
This is not what you want. This is what I want.
Shame on me!
Mary: I'm so lucky to have a father like you.
But you're right.
Love isn't like some enchanted evening, isn't a fairy tale, or even love at first sight.
That isn't real life.
Massimo's a good man, don't worry, Papa.
I know what I'm doing.
I'm just all grown up now.

[while Mary picking up the colored chocolates]
Steve: Why are you only eating the brown ones?
Mary: Because someone once said that they had less artificial coloring,
because chocolate's already brown.
And it kind of stayed with me.
Steve: You kind of stayed with me.


*****