WEDDING CRASHERS [2005]

Life's a Party
Crash It 

 Jeremy: Guys, the real enemy here is the institution of marriage.

It's not realistic, it's crazy!

Hey, don't do this for the other person. 

It's about saying yes to yourself and saying yes to your future.

And have some opportunities for yourself.

I'm sure you'd love to be free, maybe go out and meet some Latin guy that can dance,

grind up on you, make you feel dangerous but also safe.

And how about you?

Don't you want to get inside Chastity without having to wonder if everyone's gonna find out?

John: God, wouldn't that be sweet?

Jeremy: Wouldn't that be nice?

And have some Latin guy sweating all over you, talking to you in languages you don't understand,

needing you, wanting you, taking you?

John: All we're trying to say is, put your swords away for a second.

Let's finish this and let's move on.

Jeremy: Get out and get some strange ass.

John: You don't think we're being, I don't want to say sleazy cause that's not the right word,

but a little irresponsible, maybe?

Jeremy: No! One day, you'll look back on all this and laugh, say we were young and stupid.

A couple of dumb kids running around.

John: We're not that young.

Jeremy: How many times are you gonna do this shit?
Rule #32, you don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive that they have a pulse.
John: Rule 16, give me an up-to-date family tree.
That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.
Jeremy: Rule #76, no excuses, play like a champion.

Claire: They're all full of shit.
John: What?
Claire: Half of these people are here because of my dad.
They're all just suckling at the power teat.
John: No, no, come on, they're here because they want to believe they're in the presence of true love.
That's why people come to weddings, cause they wanna believe in true love.
Claire: What's true love?
John: True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.
Claire: It's a little cheesy, but, I like it.


 

Someone once told me that true love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.
And I think that that's a very rare thing in this world.
And I think it's something to be valued.
And I'm just really happy that my big sister's found it.
~Claire Cleary

Rule #1, never leave a fellow crasher behind.
~John Beckwith

John: You can't marry this guy.
Claire: Why?
John: Because I've fallen for you.

Sack: They're not who they say they are, Claire.
Those aren't even their real names.
Claire: What?
Sack: Everything he told you is a lie.
Claire: I don't understand what you're saying.
Sack: Claire, they crash weddings.
They crash weddings so that they can sleep with girls.
Everything that they have told us is a complete fabrication.
All of it is a lie.
Claire, to John: Is that true?
John: Well, no, it's not entirely.
Claire: No, it's a yes or no question.
John: I know, but it's complicated.
Claire: Yes or no?
John, sigh: Yes... with shades of grey.

I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding?
Neither are you.
And you wanna know what? I dig it!
~Jeremy Gray

When you know what you want, you know what you want.
~Secretary Cleary

Jeremy: Listen, I'm getting married.
John: Get out.
Jeremy: What?
You just sat there and said that you were happy for me, that I'm...
John: I'm hanging by a thread. 
Jeremy: John, you've been my friend for 16 years. 
I'm getting married. I need you there to be my best man.
John: Kindly leave!
Jeremy: Would mean a lot to me if you came.
You better get your ass for that wedding.

John: You met her at a funeral.
Chaz: Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every now and then, but funerals are insane!
The chicks are so horny, it's not even fair.
It's like fishing with dynamite.
John: Horny?
Chaz: Yeah, crazy horny.
John: I just... at a funeral?
Chaz: Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.

John: All I wanted was a second alone so I could try to explain things.
But I've never gotten that chance.
Maybe I don't deserve it.
So here goes, for longer than I care to remember, my business has been crashing weddings.
I crashed weddings to meet girls.
Business was good. I met a lot of girls.
And it was childish, it was juvenile... 
Claire: And pathetic.
John: Yeah, that's probably the best word to describe it.
But you know what? It also led me to you.
So it's hard for me to completely regret it.
And that person that you met back at your folks' place that was really me.
Maybe not my name. I'm John Beckwith, by the way, or my job.
But the feelings we felt, the jokes, the stupid laughs, that was all me.
I've changed. I've realized something.
I crash a funeral earlier, and I...
And I see this widow and she's a wreck.
She's just lost a person she loves the most in this world.
And I realized we're all gonna lose the people we love.
That's the way it is. But not me, not right now.
Because the person I love the most is standing right here, and I'm not ready to lose you yet.
Claire, I'm not standing here asking you to marry me.
I'm just asking you, not to marry him. [addressing Sack]
And maybe take a walk, take a chance.
Sack: Wow! This congregation really doesn't care about how depressing your life is, John, okay?
Claire, baby, could you just, could you go back up on the altar so we can have a wedding?
Claire: I'm sorry.
I am.
Sack: What?
Claire: I can't marry you.
Sack: Secretary, your daughter's a little...
Mr. Secretary: Sack, I've always liked you, so I put up with your stories about scallops and otters,
and it's all good because you seemed to make her happy and that's what matters to me most.
But this is her decision.
I stand by my daughter.



*****

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC [2009]

All She Ever Wanted was a Little Credit...

Rebecca Bloomwood.

Occupation, Journalist.

Jacket, Visa.

Dress, AMEX.

Belt, MasterCard.

It's vintage.

And I got 1% cashback.

Bag, Gucci, and worth every penny.

~Rebecca Bloomwood

Cause you know that thing, when you see someone cute and he smiles,

and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast?

Well, that's what it's like when I see a store.

Only it's better.

~Rebecca Bloomwood

You want your scarf, I want my hotdog.

Cost and worth are very different things.

~Luke Brandon

They said I was a valued customer.

Now they send me hate mail.

~Rebecca Bloomwood

Bex, how are you going to pay off sixty thousand twelve hundred. sixty two dollars and seventy cents without no job?

~Suze

What do they call it when an animal rights person gets trampled to death by a cow?

Ironic!

Ironic that Rebecca Bloomwood is advising people on how to handle money.

~Suze

Luke: Actually, what I really need is a, uh, tuxedo, say 3 buttons size 48 regular,

A white dress shirt, I'll try the blue as well,

and a black vernice shoe in a size 10.

And 2 advil.

Rebecca: You speak Prada?

Luke: Occasionally.

I don't want to be defined by clothes, or labels, or family.

~Luke Brandon

Luke: What would The Girl in The Green Scarf's take be on Luke Brandon?

Rebecca: As an investment, you pretty much suck.

Luke: What?

Rebecca: You're a workaholic.

You put in all these hours but you don't reap the rewards.

It goes into someone else's pocket.

But you're a great editor.

Hello everybody, I'm Rebecca Bloomwood.

I just actually came here as a favor to a friend.

I mean, I like shopping. Is there anything so wrong with that?

I mean, stores are put there to enjoy. 

The experience is enjoyable... well, more than enjoyable. It's beautiful.

The sheen of silk, drapped across a mannequin.

The smell of new Italian leather shoes.

The rush you feel when you swipe your card and it's approved, and it all belongs to you.

The joy you feel when you've bought something and it's just you and the shopping.

All you have to do is hand over a little card.

Isn't that the best feeling in the world?

Don't you wanna shout it from the mountaintops?

And you feel so confident and alive, and happy, and warm.

~Rebecca Bloomwood

My will is strong, my wallet is closed.

I do not want to shop.

Luke: Why do you shop?

Rebecca: Um, I...

Luke, impatient: Come on, come on...

Rebecca: Well, you're not giving me time.

Luke: Time for what? To make something up?

Just for once in your life, tell me the truth!

Rebecca: Because when I shop, the world gets better. The world is better.

And then it's not anymore.

And I need to do it again.

Luke: Well, what about honesty? What about credibility?

Rebecca: I wanted to tell you, but I only took the job to get to Alette.

Luke: Well, I wish you all the best with that.

Rebecca Bloomwood was the most vivacious, funny, inspiring woman I have ever met.

And she lived a lie, we know that now.

But what she wrote in her columns was the truth.

She had a voice.

She spoke to people who never believed that they could understand,

and who loved it when they found that they could.

And I loved it.

Rebecca Bloomwood let me down.

But The Girl in The Green Scarf never did.

~Luke Brandon

Your mom and I think if the American economy can be billions in debt and still survive,

so can you.

~Graham Bloomwood, to Rebecca

Rebecca: I have made so many mistakes,

and I feel like taking this job would be another one.

Alette: Before you make your decision, you should know this.

When I leave this house, the opportunity leave with me.

Rebecca: Well then you should both go.

I'm Rebecca Bloomwood and I'm a shopaholic.

I destroyed my career on national television.

I lied to the man I love.

I hurt my best friend.

I invented a stalker and I don't even speak Finnish.

~Rebecca Bloomwood

*****