TWO WEEKS NOTICE [2002]

 A comedy about love at last glance

Lucy: Mr. Wade? Hi, I'm Lucy Kelson. I'm an attorney.

George: Have you ever heard heard of Saint-Tropez Law School? 

Lucy: No.

George: What a shame.

Where did you go to aw school?

Lucy: Harvard.

George: Harvard?

Lucy: Yes.

George: Intriguing. Tell me more, what's your background?

Lucy: I don't see how that's relevant. I work for the Coalition for the Homeless.

At Legal Aid.

George: That can't pay much.

Lucy: I'm not very interested in money.

Lucy: You couldn't possibly want me.

I've spent my life working against people like you.

George: Maybe if you work for me, you'll win occasionally.

Lucy: I, I don't...

George: I need an answer immediately. Here is my direct number at The Grand Hotel.

Lucy: You live at a hotel?

George: Well, I own the hotel and I live there. My life is very much like Monopoly.

And I know you wouldn't care, but I'll start you at $250,000.

Hi. The man you're dancing with is deeply troubled, okay?

Even though he's rich and very attractive, you're much too young to trade yourself like a stock on NASDAQ, for someone who won't remember your name or his in the morning,

is still married and has recently had a very suspicious rash.

It is 2:16. Go home, finish high school and reach your potential!

~Lucy Kelson

Lucy: Why did you give her the money?

George: Because she'd never have stopped till she got what she wanted.

You always say I have a responsibility towards those less fortunate.

Lucy: Everybody is less fortunate than you. 

So why don't you just give me the money to someone who's not gonna spend it on collagen.

Lucy: My heroes are Clarence Darrow, Thurgood Marshall, Ruth Ginsburg...

My parents! My father worked for Martin Luther King. My mother is a law professor.

They taught me that lawyers should be treated with respect.

George: I have complete respect for you. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Lucy: You got the towers, I got Coney Island.

Why don't we just call it quits, okay? I can't take it anymore.

George: What, are you serious?

Lucy: Yes. Please consider this my 2 weeks' notice.

George: I find you ungrateful.

Lucy: Ungrateful?

George: Yes. I hire you with no corporate experience.

I give you a wonderful apartment, an office, the non-fat-muffin basket every morning.

If you don't want me to disturb, why do you keep your phone on?

Because you like emergencies. You crave the excitement.

Lucy: All right, George, you are absolutely right.

This has nothing to do with you. 

This is entirely my thing, because I've managed to turn myself into this... 
shit, there's not even a name for it!

George: It's not like I enjoy it either.

Before you came into my life, I was capable of making decisions. Now I can't, I'm addicted.

I have to know what you think.

Lucy: George, I think you are the most selfish human being on the planet.

George: That's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?

George: I lost Lucy.

I just think it's a shame because I've come to rely on her for everything.

And I trust her completely, and she's funny. Not deliberately, of course.

Tony: It's probably for the best though.

George: Why is that?

Tony: 2 things I know is chess and women.

Chess, it has rules, pieces, rooks, knights, bishops.

They move in predictable patterns. Somebody wins, somebody loses.

But women, they don't have no rules, man.

They move in unpredictable ways too.

Nobody ever wins or loses when it comes to women.

You talk about your feelings until your breath is sucked out your body.

All men are pawns when it comes to women.

Especially a smart one like Lucy. She's hard to control.

And you know, the man has got to be in control.

George: You could loosen up a little, get in touch with your feminine side.

Lucy: Okay, that's a good suggestion.

George: Perhaps soften your appearance, not that I don't love that look,

but you could get dolled up occasionally.

Lucy: I'm not gonna spend hours fluffing my hair and applying animal-tested makeup to my face, just so I can turn myself into some male fantasy, degrading Kewpie doll.

Unless I really like the guy or something.

Lucy: It's pretty amazing what dreams and lots of money can do, isn't it?

George: Yes, it is.

Lucy: You know you're part of that, George.

George: Yes, I am.

Lucy: All you have to do is use your power for good instead of evil.

George: If only I would.

Lucy: Where do you come off?

Believe it or not, I didn't take this job so I can sleep with you. I took this job for a cause.

George: You are a cause!

You make Gandhi look like a used-car salesman.

Lucy: My God, you know what I can't believe? How easy you are being on yourself.

Why don't we go over this again, okay?

You promised me a community center.

George: Yes, I promised, I promised, I promised. I'm sorry.

I can't control the economy, I can't control my brother.

I did promise and I did let you down. I'm sorry. 

But you know what? I'm human. I think you'll find a lot of people are!

Lucy: I'm human, too!

George: Are you? Because you're too perfect, too wonderful, none of us can keep up with you.

That's probably why all those other guys bolted as fast as their birkenstocks could carry them.

Cause you're intolerable and no one wants to be preached to!

No one wants to live with a saint. Saints are boring!

Mr. Kelson: As long as people can change, the world can change.

Lucy: But what if people can't change?

Mr. Kelson: Let me put it this way.

I'm sitting here eating a piece of cheesecake made entirely of soy.

And I hate it. But I'm eating it.

"I'd like to welcome everyone on this special day.

Island Towers will bring prestige to the neighborhood and be part of Brooklyn's renaissance.

And we're very pleased and proud to be here.

Unfortunately, there is one fly in the ointment.

I gave my word to someone the we wouldn't knock down this building behind me.

Normally, and those who know me or were married to me can attest to this,

my word wouldn't mean very much.

So why does it this time?

Partly because this building is an architectural gem, and deserved to be landmarked.

Partly because people do need a place to do senior's water ballet and CPR, preferably not together.

But mainly because this person, despite being unusually stubborn and unwilling to compromise and a very poor dresser, is...

She's rather like the building she loves so much.

A little rough around the edges, but when you look closely, absolutely beautiful.

And the only one of her kind.

And even though I've said cruel things and driven her away, she's become the voice in my head.

And I can't seem to drown her out. And I don't want to drawn her out.

So we are going to keep the community center.

Because I gave my word to her, and because we gave our word to the community."

~George Wade

*****

THE BLIND SIDE [2009]

Based on the Extraordinary True Story

Now, y'all would guess that, more often than not, the highest paid player on an NFL team is a quarterback, and you'd be right.

But what you probably don't know is more often than not, 

the second highest paid player is, thanks to Lawrence Taylor, a left tackle.

Because as every housewife knows, 

the first check you write is for the mortgage, but the second is for the insurance.

And the left tackle's job is to protect the quarterback from what he can't see coming.

To protect his blind side.

The ideal left tackle is big, but a lot of people are big.

He's wide in the butt and massive in the thighs.

He has long arms, giant hands and feet as quick as hiccup.

~Leigh Anne Tuohy

Look at the wall.

"Christian"

We either take that seriously or we paint over it.

You don't admit Michael Oher because of sports.

You admit him because it's the right thing to do.

~Coach Cotton

With Men, This is Possible.

With God, All Things are Possible.

Leigh Anne: Michael, do you wanna stay here?

Because if you wanna stay here for a while longer, 

I can find some time to figure out a bedroom for you.

Because look at this, you're practically ruined a $10,000 couch.

Do you wanna stay here, Michael?

Michael: I don't wanna go anyplace else.

Enough with the rugby shirts.

You look like a giant bumblebee.

~SJ

Michael: What do y'all do with all the leftover food from the restaurant?

Sean: We have to throw some out, what's already cooked.

Michael: That's too bad.

Sean: Yeah, I'd rather sell it.

SJ: Seems like you could give it away or something.

You should check into that, Daddy.

Sean: All right, I will, SJ.

Beth: I think what you're doing is so great.

To open up your home to him?

Honey, you're changing that boy's life.

Leigh Anne: No. He's changing mine.

Coach Cotton: Most kids from bad situations can't wait to be violent

and that comes out on the field.

But this kid, he acts like he doesn't wanna hit anyone.

Leigh Anne: He's Ferdinand The Bull.

Leigh Anne: We need to find out more about his past.

Sean: He won't talk about it.

He's like an onion.

You have to peel him back a layer at a time.

Leigh Anne: Not if you use a knife.

Leigh Anne: Michael, remember when we first met and we went to that horrible part of town 

to buy you those dreadful clothes?

I was a little scared, you told me not to worry, you had my back.

You remember that?

Michael: Yes, ma'am.

Leigh Anne: And if anyone tried to get to me, you would've stopped them, right?

[Michael Nodded]

And when you and SJ were in that car wreck, what didi you do to the airbag?

Michael: Stopped it.

Leigh Anne: You stopped it [point to Michael] YOU stopped it.

This team is your family, Michael.

You have to protect them from those guys, okay?

Listen... [drag the quarterback near to Michael]

Tony here is your quarterback, all right?

You protect his blind side.

When you look at him, you think of me, how you have my back, how you have his, okay?

[Michael nod]

All right... [drag the tailback near to Micahel]

Oompa-Loompa here is your tailback.

When you look at him, think of SJ and how you'd never let anyone or anything hurt him.

You understand me?

[Michael nod]

All right, got it?

Michael: What about Collins and Mr. Tuohy?

Leigh Anne: Fine, they can be on the team too.

Are you gonna protect the family, Michael?

Michael: Yes, Ma'am.

Leigh Anne: Good boy. Now go have some fun.

Courage is a hard thing to figure.

You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake,

but you're not supposed to question adults, or a coach, or your teacher,

because they make the rules.

Maybe they know best, but maybe they don't.

It all depends on who you are, where you come from.

Didn't at least one of the 600 guys think about giving up and joining with the other side?

I mean, Valley of Death, that's pretty salty stuff.

That's why courage is tricky.

Should you always do what others tell you to do?

Sometimes you might not even know why you're doing something.

I mean, any fool can have courage.

But honor, that's the real reason you either do something or you don't.

It's who you are and maybe who you want to be.

If you die trying for something important, then you have both honor and courage,

and that's pretty good.

I think that's what the writer was saying,

that you should hope for courage and try for honor.

And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do, have some too.

~Michael Oher's essay

Was it for you or was it for me?

Was it so I would go to school where you wanted?

Was it so I would do what you wanted?

~Michael Oher, to Leigh Anne

*****

THE PROPOSAL [2009]

Here Comes the Bribe...

Bob: You poisonous bitch!

You can't fire me!

You don't think I see what you're doing here?

Sandbagging me on this Oprah thing just so that you can look good to the board?

Because you are threatened by me!

And you are a monster!

Margaret: Bob, stop.

Bob: Just because you have no semblance of a life outside of this office,

you think that you can treat all of us like your own personal slaves!

You know what, I feel sorry for you.

Because you know what you're gonna have on you deathbed?

Nothing, and no one!

Wouldn't be the first time one of us fell for our secretaries, would it?

~Margaret Tate

Margaret: The truth is, you know, Andrew and I, we're...

we are just two people who weren't meant to fall in love, but we did.

Andrew: No...

Margaret: All those late nights at the office and weekend book fairs...

Something happened.

Andrew: Something...

Margaret, giggles: Yeah, tried to fight it and can't fight a love like ours...

[to Edwin and Jack] so, are we good with this?

Are you happy?

Because, well, we are happy. So happy.

Andrew: Margaret, I'm not gonna marry you.

Margaret: Sure you are.

Because if you don't marry me, 

your dreams of touching the lives of millions with the written word are dead.

Bob is gonna fire you the second I'm gone. Guaranteed!

That means you're out on the street alone looking for a job.

That means all the time we spent together, all the lattes, all the canceled dates,

all the midnight tampax runs, were all for nothing,

and all your dreams of being an editor are gone!

But don't worry, after the required alottment of time, 

we'll get a quickie divorce and you'll be done with me.

But until then, like it or not, your wagon is hitched to me, okay?

Let me explain to you the process that's about to unfold.

Step one, will be a scheduled interview.

I'll put you each in a room and I'll ask you every little question 

that a real couple would know about each other.

Step two, I dig deeper.

I look at your phone records, I talk to your neighbors, I interview your co-workers.

If your answer don't match up at every point,

you [point to Margaret] will be deported indefinitely.

And you [point to Andrew] will have committed a felony punishable by a fine of $250,000 

and a stay of 5 years in federal prison.

So Andrew... do you want to talk to me?

~Mr. Gilbertson

Andrew: We couldn't tell anyone we work with because of my big promotion that I had coming up.

Mr. Gilbertson: Promotion?

Andrew: Yeah...

Margaret, speechless: Your...

Andrew: We both felt that it would be deeply inappropriate if I were to be promoted to editor.

Margaret: Editor, hmmm...

Andrew: ... while we were...

Mr. Gilbertson: So, have the two of you told your parents about your secret love?

Margaret: Oh, I... imposibble.

My parents are dead. No brothers or sisters either.

Andrew: Gone.

Mr. Gilbertson, to Andrew: Are your parents dead?

Margaret: Oh, no, his are very mush alive.

Andrew: No... very much.

Margaret: Well, we were gonna tell them this weekend.

Gammy's 90th birthday, and the whole family's coming together.

And we thought it'd be a nice surprise.

Mr. Gilbertson: And where is this surprise gonna take place?

Margaret: At Andrew's parent's house.

Mr. Gilbertson: Where is that located again?

Margaret: Um, pft, why am I doing all the talking?

[to Andrew] it's your parent's house.

Why don't you tell him where it is. Jump in.

Andrew: Sitka.

Margaret: Sitka.

Andrew: Alaska.

Margaret: Alas...kaaa???

Andrew: Now, ask me nicely.

Margaret: "Ask you nicely" what?

Andrew: Ask me nicely to marry you, Margaret.

Margaret: What does that mean?

Andrew: You heard me. On your knee.

Margaret: Fine! [on her knee] Does this work for you?

Andrew: Oh, I like this, yeah.

Margaret, in flat tone: Will you marry me?

Andrew: No! Say it like you mean it.

Margaret, in resentful: Andrew...

Andrew: Yes, Margaret...

Margaret: Sweet Andrew...

Andrew: I'm listening.

Margaret: Would you please with cherries on top, marry me?

Andrew: Okay, I don't appreciate the sarcasm, but I'll do it.

So these are the questions that INS is gonna ask us.

The good news is I know everything about you,

but the bad news is that you have 4 days to learn all this about me.

~Andrew Paxton

Margaret: You know all the answers to these questions about me?

Andrew: Scary, isn't it?

Margaret: A little bit. 

What am I allergic to?

Andrew: Pine nut.

And the full spectrum of human emotion.

Margaret: Oh, that's... that was funny.

Umm... oh, here's a good one.

Do I have any scars?

Andrew: I'm pretty sure that you have a tattoo.

Margaret: Oh, you're pretty sure?

Andrew: I'm pretty sure.

Two years ago, your dermatologist call and asked about a Q-switched laser.

I, of course, googled Q-switched laser and found that they in fact do removes tattoos.

But you canceled your appointment.

So what is it?

Tribal ink? Japanese calligraphy? Barbed wire?

Gert: So, did I miss the story?

Margaret & Andrew: What story?

Gert: About how you proposed.

Gammy: Oh, how a man proposes says a lot about his character.

Grace: I actually would love to hear the story, Andrew.

Would you tell us?

Andrew: You know what?

Actually, Margaret loves telling the story, so I'm just gonna let her go ahead and do that,

'cause I think we should just sit in rapture.

Margaret: Wow, okay, where to begin... this story...

Okay, well, um... Andrew and I...

Andrew and I were about to celebrate our first anniversary.

And I knew that he'd been itching to ask me to marry him.

And he was scared, like a little tiny bird.

So I started leaving him little hints here and there,

because I knew he wouldn't have the guts to ask, but...

Andrew: That's not exactly how it happened.

Margaret: No?

Andrew: No, I mean, I picked up on all her little hints.

This woman's about as subtle as a gun.

What I was worried about was that she might find this little box...

Margaret: Oh... the decoupage box that he made where he'd taken the time to cut out 

tiny little pictures of himself.

Just pasted all over the box.

Oh, so beautiful.

So I opened that beautiful little decoupage 

and out fluttered these tiny little hand-cut heart confettis.

And once they cleared, I looked down, and I saw the most beautiful, big...

Andrew: Fat nothing! No ring!

Gammy: No ring?

Grace: What?

Andrew: No. But inside that box, underneath all that crap, 

there was a little handwritten note with the address to a hotel, date and time.

Real Humphrey Bogart-type stuff.

Masculine.

Anyway, naturally, Margaret thought...

Margaret: I thought he was seeing someone else. 

It was a terrible time for me but I went to that hotel anyway.

I went there and I pounded on the door, but the door was already unlocked.

And as I swung open that door, there he was...

Andrew: Standing...

Margaret: Kneeling...

Andrew: Like a man...

Margaret: On a bed of rose petals in a tuxedo.

Your son... your son...

And he was choking back soft, soft sobs.

And when he held back the tears and finally caught his breath, he said to me...

Andrew: "Margaret, will you marry me?"

And she said yeap, the end!

Who's hungry?

I'm sorry. I feel sorry for you, Dad.

I wish you had another son, I really do.

One who wanted to stay here.

One who wanted to take over the family business.

One who wanted to marry someone that you approve of,

but it's not me!

Now, it must seem strange to you, 

my life in New York, sitting in an office, reading books,

but it makes me happy.

~Andrew Paxton

I forgot what it was like to have a family.

I've been on my own since I was 16

and I forgot what it felt like to have people love you.

~Margaret Tate

Turns out it's not easy to ruin someone's life once you find out how wonderful they are.

You have a beautiful family.

~Margaret Tate

Joe: What's wrong?

Grace: Margaret's on that plane.

Gammy: And he didn't get to tell her.

Joe: Tell her what?

Grace: That he loves her.

Gammy: So she couldn't tell him that she loves him too.

Joe: OK, but how does he...

Grace: If she didn't love him, she wouldn't have left.

Gammy: Of course not.

Joe: Am I the only one not getting this?

Three days ago, I loathed you.

I used to dream about you getting hit by a cab, or poisoned.

Then we had our little adventure up in Alaska and things started to change.

Things changed when we kissed.

And when you told me about your tattoo.

Even when you checked me out when we were naked.

But I didn't realize any of this,

until I was standing alone in a barn... wife-less.

Now you can imagine my disappointment when it suddenly dawned on me

that the woman I love is about to be kicked out of the country.

So Margaret, marry me.

Because I'd like to date you.

~Andrew Paxton

*****