KUNG FU PANDA [2008]

Prepare For Awesomeness

We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins.

~Mr. Ping

One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.

~Master Oogway

I love kung fuuuuu...

~Po

Master Oogway, pointing at Po: How interesting...

Tigress: Master, are you pointing at me?

Master Oogway: Him...

Po: Who?

Master Oogway: You...

Po: Me?

Master Oogway: The universe has brought us The Dragon Warrior.

Po: What?

Furious Five: What?

Master Shifu: What?

Mr. Ping: What?

Tigress: Forgive us, Master, we have failed you.

Master Shifu: No.

If the panda has not quit by morning, then I will have failed you.

Escape from Chorh-Gom prison is impossible.

One way in, one way out.

One thousand guards and one prisoner.

~Commander Vachir

Master Shifu: So you're the legendary Dragon Warrior?

Po: Ehhh... I guess so...

Master Shifu: Wrong! You are not The Dragon Warrior.

You will never be The Dragon Warrior until [point to the scroll]

you have learned the secret of The Dragon Scroll.

Po: Whoaaa... 

So, how does it work? Do you have a ladder, or a trampoline, or...

Master Shifu: You think it's that easy?

That I'll just hand you the secret to limitless power?

Po: No, I...

Master Shifu: One must first master the highest level of kung fu.

And that clearly impossible if that one is someone like you.

Po: Someone like me?

Master Shifu: Yes, look at you!

This fat butt [hit Po's butt], flabby arms [hit Po's arm]

Po: Ouch, there are sensitive in the flabby parts.

Master Shifu: And this ridiculous belly [hit Po's belly].

And utter disregard for personal hygiene.

Now listen closely, Panda.

Oogway may have picked you, but when I'm through with you,

I promise you, you're going to wish he hadn't.

Are we clear?

~Master Shifu

Viper: I don't understand what was Master Oogway thinking.

The poor guy's gonna get himself killed.

Crane: He is so mighty.

The Dragon Warrior fell out of the sky on a ball of fire!

Mantis: When he walks, the very ground shakes!

Tigress: One would think Master Oogway would choose semeone who actually know kung fu.

Crane: Yeah, or could at least touch his toes.

Monkey: Or even see his toes.

You don't belong in The Jade Palace.

You're a disgrace to kung fu,

and if you have any respect for who we are and what we do, 

you will be gone by morning.

~Tigress, to Po

Quit, don't quit.

Noodles, don't noodles.

You are too concerned with what was and what will be.

There's a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.

That is why it is called the present.

~Master Oogway, to Po

Master Shifu, torturing Po with his kung fu: The true path to victory is to find your opponent's weakness and make him suffer for it.

To take his strength and use it against him, until he finally falls or quits.

Po: But, a real warrior never quits.

Don't worry, Master, I will never quit!

Who am I to judge a warrior based on his size?

I mean, look at me...

~Mantis

Well, if he's going to stay here, he should know.

He wasn't just a student.

Shifu found him as a cub and he raised him as his son.

And when the boy show talent in kung fu, Shifu trained him. He believed in him.

He told him he was destined for greatness.

It was never enough for Tai Lung.

He wanted The Dragon Scroll.

But Oogway saw darkness in his heart and refused.

Outraged, Tai Lung laid waste to the valley.

He tried to take the scroll by force.

And Shifu had to destroy what he had created.

But how could he?

Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anyone before. Or since...

~Tigress

And now he has a chance to make things right, to train the true Dragon Warrior.

And he's stuck with you, a big fat panda who treats it like a joke.

~Tigress, to Po

There are no accidents.

~Master Oogway

Master Shifu: I need your help, Master.

Master Oogway: You just need to believe.

Promise me Shifu, promise me you will believe.

Master Shifu: You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits!

Po: Watch me!

[trying to step down the stairs, but Master Shifu manage to move Po away from the stairs]

Come on... how am I supposed to beat Tai Lung?

I can't even beat you to the stairs!

Master Shifu: You will beat him because you are The Dragon Warrior.

Po: You don't believe that... You never believed that!

From the first moment I've got here, you tried to get rid of me!

Master Shifu: Yes, I was!

But now I ask you to trust in your master as I have come to trust in mine.

Po: You're not my master. And I'm not The Dragon Warrior.

Master Shifu: Then why didn't you quit?

You knew I wanted you gone, yet you stayed.

Po: Yeah, I stayed.

I stayed because every time you threw a brick at my head or said I smelled, it hurt,

but it could never hurt more than it did every day of my life hust being me... not me...

it was you... the greatest kung fu teacher in all China.

Master Shifu: But I can change you.

I can turn you into The Dragon Warrior, and I will!

I vowed to train you and you have been trained.

You are free to eat.

~Master Shifu

Mr. Ping: The secret ingredient of my Secret Ingredient Soup...

Come here... the secret ingredient is... nothing...

Po: Huh?

Mr. Ping: You heard me, nothing! There is no secret ingredient!

Po: Wait, wait... it's just plain old noodle soup?

You don't add some kind of special sauce or something?

Mr. Ping: Don't have to.

To make something special, you just have to believe it's special.

Po: There is no secret ingredient...

I have... I have always been proud of you.

From the first moment, I've been proud of you.

And it was my pride that blinded me.

I loved you too much to see what you were becoming...

what I... was turning you into.

I'm... I'm sorry...

~Master Shifu, to Tai Lung

*****

SHREK 2 [2004]

Once Upon Another Time...

The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? 
That's where we're going! 
FAR! FAR!... away.

[Shrek]

How many cats can wear boots? Honestly?...

[Shrek]

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. 
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy 
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. 

[Donkey] 

I'm a stallion, baby!

[Donkey]

[looks over her bookshelf] 

 Let's see... 
P-p-p-p-p, Princess. 
Cinderella... Handsome prince, lived happily ever after... oh, no ogres! 
Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. 
Thumbelina, no! 
Hansel and Gretel, no! 
The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! 
You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.

[Fairy Godmother]

[Princess Fiona]: You know, you are acting like a... a...

[Shrek]: Go on, say it. 

[Princess Fiona]: Like an ogre!

[Shrek]: Well, whether your parents like it or not, I am an ogre! 
And guess what, princess? That's not about to change. 

[Princess Fiona]: I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that.

[Shrek]: Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.

[Donkey]: Oh, man! Where do I begin? 
First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. 
I ain't never gotten over that. 
Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. 
Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling 'Piñata! Piñata!' 
What the hell is a piñata, anyway?

[Donkey]: What about my Miranda rights? 
You're supposed to say, 'You have the right to remain silent.' 
Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!

[Shrek]: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. 
What you lack is the capacity.

[Donkey, after drinking a beauty potion]: I don't FEEL any different. Do I look any different? 

[Puss-in-Boots]: You still look like an ass to me!

[Princess Fiona]: They just want to give us their blessing.

[Shrek]: Oh, great! Now I need their blessing? 

[Princess Fiona]: Well, if you want to be part of this family, yes.

[Shrek]: Who said I want to be part of this family?

[Princess Fiona]: Uh... you did? When you married me?

[King]: Who on earth are they?

[Queen]: I think that's our little girl! 

[King]: That's not little - that's a really big problem!

[Queen]: Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look...

[Shrek]: Happy now? We came, we saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches!

[Princess Fiona]: Hey, they're my parents!

[Shrek]: Hello, they locked you in a tower!

[Princess Fiona]: Hey, that was for my own... 

[King]: Good! Now here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.

[Queen]: Harold! We have to be...

[Shrek]: Quick, while they're not looking, we'll make a run for it!

[Princess Fiona]: Shrek! Stop it! Everything is going to be... 

[King]: A disaster! There's no way...

[Princess Fiona]: You can do this. 

[Shrek]: But I really...

[King]: Really... 

[Queen]: Really...

[Shrek]: Don't... 

[Princess Fiona]: Want...

[Queen]: To... 

[Shrek]: Be...

[King]: He-ere.

[Queen]: So, Fiona. Tell us about where you live. 

[Princess Fiona]: Well, Shrek owns his own land. Right, honey?

[Shrek]: Yes. It's in an... enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckies...

[Donkey]: What? I know you ain't talking about the swamp. 

[Shrek]: Donkey...

[King]: An ogre from a swamp. How original. 

[Queen]: I guess that will be a fine place to raise the children.

[both Shrek and the King choke; Shrek coughs up his spoon] 

[Shrek]: It's a little early to be thinking about that, isn't it?

[King]: Indeed! I had just started eating.

[King]: So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...

[Shrek]: Ogres! Yes! 

[Queen]: Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?

[King]: Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young.

[Princess Fiona]: Dad!

[Shrek]: Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in a tower.

[Princess Fiona]: Shrek, please!

[King]: I only did that because I love her! 

[Shrek]: Oh, yeah! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle!

[King]: Darling? 
Ah, I thought I might find you here - how about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball...

[Princess Fiona]: I'm not going. 

[King]: B-b-but the whole kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage!

[Princess Fiona]: There's just one problem - that's not my husband. I mean, look at him!

[they both watch Charming, showing off in front of everyone]

[King]: Yes, he is a bit different, but people do change for the ones they love - 
you'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother...

[Princess Fiona]: CHANGE? He's completely lost his mind! 

[King]: Darling, why not come down to the ball and give him another chance - 
I mean, you might find you like this new Shrek...

[Princess Fiona]: But it's the OLD one I fell in love with, Dad - 
I'd give anything to have him back... 

[King]: I'm sorry, Lillian. I just wish I could be the man you deserve.

[Queen]: You are more that man now than you ever were, warts and all.

[Shrek]: Quick tell a lie! 

[Pinocchio]: What should I say?

[Donkey]: Say something crazy... like you're wearing ladies underwear. 

[Pinocchio]: Um, ok. I'm wearing ladies underwear. [silence]

[Shrek]: Are you? 

[Pinocchio]: I most certainly am not. [nose extends]

[Donkey]: It looks like you most certainly am are. 

[Pinocchio]: I am not. [nose extends]

[Puss-in-Boots]: What Kind?

[Gingerbread man]: IT'S A THONG!

[Fairy Godmother]: Your fallen tears have called to me / So here comes my sweet remedy / 
I know what every princess needs / For her to live life happily / 
With... just a wave of my magic wand / Your troubles will soon be gone / 
With a flick of the wrist in just a flash / You land a prince with a ton of cash / 
A high priced dress made by mice no less / Some crystal glass pumps and almost dressed / 
Worries will vanish your soul will cleanse / Confide in your very own furniture friends / 
We'll help you set a new fashion trend / I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great / 
The kind of gal a prince would date / They'll write your name on the bathroom wall...

 [Bookcase]: For happy ever after, give Fiona a call! 

[Fairy Godmother]: A sporty carriage to ride in style / A sexy man-boy chauffer Kyle / 
Vanish your blemishes, tooth decay / Celulite thighs will fade away / 
And oh, what the hey? / Have a Bichon Frise / 
Nip and tuck here and there / To land that prince with the perfect hair / 
Lipstick liners, shadow blush / To get that prince with a sexy tush / 
Lucky day, hunk buffet / For the lipstick a roll in the hay / 
You can spoon on the moon / With the prince to this tune / 
Don't be drab, you'll be fab / Your prince will have rock-hard abs / 
Cheese souflee Valentine's Day? / Have some chicken fricassee...

[Prince Charming]: Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, 
the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, 
and throughout the land everyone was happy, 
until the sun went down, 
and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. 
Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother, 
who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, 
there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming. 
It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, 
risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, 
for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, 
and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. 
He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, 
cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her [gasp] 

[Wolf]: What?

[Prince Charming]: Princess... Fiona?

[Wolf]: NO!

[Prince Charming]: Oh, thank heavens! Where is she? 

[Wolf]: She's on her honeymoon.

[Prince Charming]: Honeymoon? With whom? 

[Princess Fiona]: Is that glitter on your lips?

[Prince Charming]: Mmm, cherry flavored. Want a taste? 

*****

SHREK [2001]

The Prince Isn't Charming
The Princess Isn't Sleeping
The Sidekick Isn't Helping
The Ogre Is The Hero 
Fairy Tales Will Never Be The Same Again

Donkey, two things okay? Shut... up!

[Shrek]

I live in a swamp! 
I put up signs! 
I'm a terrifying ogre! 
What do I have to do to get a little privacy? 

[Shrek]

Wow, that was really scary. 
And if you don't mind me saying, 
if that don't work your breath will certainly get the job done, 
cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something cause your breath STINKS!

[Donkey]

Never fear! Where there's a will, there's a way. And I have a way.

[Donkey]

All right, nobody move! 
I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it! 
I'm a donkey on the edge!

[Donkey]

Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, 
but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

[Lord Farquaad]

[Magic Mirror]: So, just sit back and relax, my Lord, 
because I'm about to give you today's three eligible bachelorettes.

[the mirror shows images of Cinderella]  
Our first bachelorette is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. 
She likes sushi and hot-tubbing any time. 
Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. 
Let's hear it for Cinderella!

[changes to images of Snow White] 
Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the Land of Fantasy. 
Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. 
Just kiss her frozen, dead lips and find out what a live wire she is. 
Give it up for Snow White!

[changes to Princess Fiona] 
And last but not least is a fiery redhead who lives in a dragon-guarded castle 
surrounded by a boiling lake of lava! 
But don't let that cool you off. 
She's a loaded pistol who likes piñacoladas and getting caught in the rain. 
Yours for the rescuing: Princess Fiona! 
So, who will it be? 
Bachelorette #1? Bechelorette #2? Or Bachelorette #3? 

[Lord Farquaad]: Uhhh, Number 3!

[Magic Mirror]: Lord Farquaad, you have chosen... Princess Fiona.

The winner of this tournament - 
no, no, the privilege - 
will have the honour of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! 
Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, 
and so on and so forth... 
Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

[Lord Farquaad, to his knights]

[Captain of Guards, as Donkey flies through the air on pixie dust]: He can talk! 

[Donkey]: That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! 
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, 
but I bet you ain't never seen a donkeyfly! Ha, ha! 
[pixie dust wears off] Uh-oh!

[Pinocchio]: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy! [nose grows]

[Captain of Guards]: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

[Shrek]: WHY are you following me?

[Donkey]: Oh, I'll tell you why 
[starts to sing] 'Cause I'm all alone / There's no one here beside me 
/ My problems have all gone / There's no one to deride me! 
/ But ya gotta have friends... 

[Shrek]: STOP SINGING! Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends!

[Donkey]: Wow! Only a TRUE friend would be that truly honest! 

[Donkey]: Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?

[Shrek]: That would be my home. 

[Donkey]: Oh and it is LOVELY. 
You know, you're really quite a decorator. 
It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. 
I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.

[eyeing the "KEEP OUT" signs surrounding Shrek's home] 

[Donkey]: You, uh... you don't entertain much, do you?

[Shrek]: I like my privacy. 

[Donkey]: Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. 
I hate it when you've got someone in your face, 
you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, 
and then there's that big awkward silence...  
[big awkward silence ensues] ...Can I stay with you?

[Shrek]: What? 

[Donkey]: Can I stay with you? Please?

[Shrek]: Of course! 

[Donkey]: Really?

[Shrek]: NO! 

[Donkey]: Please! 
I don't wanna go back there, you don't know what it's like to be treated as a freak!... 
Well, maybe you do... but that's why we gotta stick together! 
You gotta let me stay!

[Shrek]: I already told you, didn't I? 
You're not coming home with me! 
I live alone! MY swamp! ME! Nobody else, understand? NOBODY! 
Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!

[Donkey]: But... I thought... 

[Shrek]: Yeah, well, you know what? You thought wrong.

[Donkey]: Hey, what's your problem, Shrek, 
what you got against the whole world anyway, huh? 

[Shrek]: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? 
It's the world that seems to have a problem with ME! 
People take one look at me and go "Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!" 
They judge me before they even know me - 
that's why I'm better off alone...

[Donkey]: You know, Shrek... 
when we first met, I didn't think you were a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 

[Shrek]: Yeah, I know.

[Donkey]: Okay, let me get this straight: 
you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess 
just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, 
which you only don't have 'cause he filled it full of freaks in the first place. 
Is that about right? 

[Shrek]: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.

[Shrek]: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. 

[Donkey]: Example?

[Shrek]: Example... uh... ogres are like onions! 

[Donkey]: They stink?

[Shrek]: Yes... No! 

[Donkey]: Oh, they make you cry?

[Shrek]: No!

[Donkey]: Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, 
start sproutin' little white hairs...

[Shrek, peels an onion]: NO! Layers. 
Onions have layers. 
Ogres have layers. 
Onions have layers. 
You get it? 
We both have layers. 

[Donkey]: Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. 
You know, not everybody like onions. 
What about cake? 
Everybody loves cake!

[Shrek]: I don't care what everyone else likes! Ogres are not like cakes. 

[Donkey]: You know what ELSE everybody likes? 
Parfaits! 
Have you ever met a person, you say, 'Let's get some parfait,' 
they say, 'Hell no, I don't like no parfait'? 
Parfaits are delicious!

[Shrek]: NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! 
Ogres are like onions! 
End of story! 
Bye-bye! 
See ya later. 

[Donkey]: Parfait's gotta be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!

[Donkey]: Shrek, remember when you said that ogres have layers? 

[Shrek]: Oh, aye?

[Donkey]: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make: donkeys don't have layers. 
We wear our fear right there on our sleeves. 

[Shrek]: Wait a second, donkeys don't have sleeves!

[Donkey]: You know what I mean. 

[Shrek]: Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of heights?

[Donkey]: No, I'm just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge 
over a boiling lake of lava! 

[Donkey]: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?

[Shrek]: In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her. 

[Shrek]: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.

[Shrek]: Go over there and see if you can find any stairs.

[Donkey]: Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the Princess.

[Shrek]: The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. 

[Donkey]: How do you know that?

[Shrek]: I read it in a book once.

[Donkey]: Cool! You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs!

[Dragon looms above Donkey]

Oh, what large teeth you have!

[Dragon roars] 

I mean, white sparkly teeth! 
I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, 
but you must bleach or something 'cause that's one dazzling smile you got there! 
And do I detect a hint of minty freshness? 
And you know something, you're...

[the Dragon looks closer and Donkey sees she's female]

A girl dragon... Oh, sure, I mean of COURSE you're a girl dragon! 
You're just reeking of feminine beauty and... h
ey, what's the matter with you, you got somethin' in your eye?

[Dragon blows out a heart-shaped cloud of smoke] 

Ohh... well, you know, I gotta go. 
I'm an asthmatic, I don't hold with smoke rings and stuff. 
SHREK!

[Dragon picks Donkey up and carries him away]

[Donkey]

[Donkey]: Hi, Princess! 

[Princess Fiona]: It talks!

[Shrek]: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick! 

[Princess Fiona, after Shrek and Donkey rescue her]: The battle is won. 
You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.

[Shrek]: Uh, no... 

[Princess Fiona]: Why not?

[Shrek]: I... have helmet hair. 

[Princess Fiona]: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.

[Shrek]: Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst. 

[Princess Fiona]: But... how will you kiss me?

[Shrek, bangs his head]: What? That wasn't in the job description! 

[Donkey]: Maybe it's a perk!

[Princess Fiona]: No, it's destiny! 
You must know how it goes! 
The Knight rescues the Princess, and then they share true love's first kiss... 

[Donkey]: With Shrek? 
Whoa, whoa, whoa... you think, you think that Shrek is your true love?

[Princess Fiona]: Well, yes! 

[Shrek and Donkey look at each other and burst into laughter]

[Princess Fiona]: What is so funny?

[Shrek]: Let's just say, I'm not your type, all right? 

[Princess Fiona]: You're an ogre...

[Shrek]: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming? 

[Princess Fiona]: Well, yes, actually. 
Oh... this is wrong. This is all wrong! 
It's not supposed to be an ogre!

[Princess Fiona, as ogre]: Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.

[Donkey, gasps]: Oh, my God, you ate the princess!

[Donkey]: Princess?... You look... uh... different.

[Princess Fiona, as ogre]: I'm UGLY! Okay? 

[Donkey]: Yeah! What was it, something you ate? 
I told Shrek those weedrats were a bad idea!

[Princess Fiona]: No. it's... it's been this way as long as I can remember. 

[Donkey]: What d'you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before!

[Princess Fiona]: It only happens when the sun goes down. 

By night one way, by day another / Thus shall be the norm 
/ Till you receive true love's kiss / then, take love's true form.

[Donkey]: Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. 

[Princess Fiona]: It's a spell! 
When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. 
Every night I become this, this horrible ugly beast! 
I was placed in the tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. 
That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad before the sun sets, and he sees me... like this.

[Donkey]: All right, all right, calm down. 
It's not so bad. 
You're not that ugly... well, you are. 
I ain't gonna lie, you ARE ugly. 
But you only look like this at night, Shrek's ugly 24/7! 

[Princess Fiona]: But Donkey, I'm a princess! 
And this is not how a princess is supposed to look!

[Donkey]: How about you don't marry Farquaad? 

[Princess Fiona]: I have to. Only the true love's kiss can break the spell.

[Donkey]: Well, you're kind of an ogre. 
And you and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common. 

[Princess Fiona]: Shrek?

[Shrek]: If I treat you so badly, then why did you come back, huh?

[Donkey]: Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER! 

[Shrek]: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. 
I forgive you - for stabbing me in the back!

[Donkey]: Shrek! Hold up, Shrek! You got to wait for the line!

[Shrek, about to burst into the cathedral]: What are you talking about?

[Donkey]: The line, the line you gotta wait for: 
the priest's gonna say 'Speak now or forever hold your piece', 
and you rush in and say 'I object!'

[Shrek]: I don't have time for all that!

[runs forward]

[Donkey, stops Shrek]: You love this woman, don't ya?

[Shrek]: Yes. 

[Donkey]: Do you wanna hold her?

[Shrek]: Yes! 

[Donkey]: Please her?

[Shrek]: YES! 

[Donkey]: Then ya gotta, gotta try a little TENDERNESS! 
Chicks love that romantic crap!

[Shrek]: All right, cut it out! When does this guy say the line? 

[Donkey]: ...We gotta check that out.

[Princess Fiona]: I wanted to show you before...

[turns into an ogre] 

[Shrek]: Well... er... THAT explains a lot.

[Shrek is hit by an arrow] 

[Princess Fiona]: Oh!... oh, this is all my fault...  

[Donkey]: Why, what's wrong?

[Princess Fiona]: Shrek's hurt! 

[Donkey]: Shrek's hurt? Shrek's HURT? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!

[Shrek]: Donkey, I'm okay! 

[Donkey]: You can't do this to me, Shrek, I'm too young for you to die! 
Keep your feet elevated! 
Turn your head and cough! 
Does anybody know the Heimlich...?

[Princess Fiona, grabs Donkey]: Donkey, calm down! 
If you want to help Shrek, go into the forest and look for a blue flower with red thorns. 

[Donkey]: Blue flower, red thorns! 
Okay, I got it! 
Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! 
Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light! 

[Shrek]: DONKEY!

[Donkey]: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns!

[runs off] 

[Shrek]: What're the flowers for?

[Princess Fiona]: For getting rid of Donkey.

[Shrek]: Fiona? Are you all right?

[Fiona looks at herself, and sees she is still an ogre]

[Princess Fiona]: Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.

[Shrek]: But you are beautiful. 

[Donkey]: I was hoping this would be a happy ending...

[Shrek and Fiona kiss]

*****