WEDDING CRASHERS [2005]

Life's a Party
Crash It 

 Jeremy: Guys, the real enemy here is the institution of marriage.

It's not realistic, it's crazy!

Hey, don't do this for the other person. 

It's about saying yes to yourself and saying yes to your future.

And have some opportunities for yourself.

I'm sure you'd love to be free, maybe go out and meet some Latin guy that can dance,

grind up on you, make you feel dangerous but also safe.

And how about you?

Don't you want to get inside Chastity without having to wonder if everyone's gonna find out?

John: God, wouldn't that be sweet?

Jeremy: Wouldn't that be nice?

And have some Latin guy sweating all over you, talking to you in languages you don't understand,

needing you, wanting you, taking you?

John: All we're trying to say is, put your swords away for a second.

Let's finish this and let's move on.

Jeremy: Get out and get some strange ass.

John: You don't think we're being, I don't want to say sleazy cause that's not the right word,

but a little irresponsible, maybe?

Jeremy: No! One day, you'll look back on all this and laugh, say we were young and stupid.

A couple of dumb kids running around.

John: We're not that young.

Jeremy: How many times are you gonna do this shit?
Rule #32, you don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive that they have a pulse.
John: Rule 16, give me an up-to-date family tree.
That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.
Jeremy: Rule #76, no excuses, play like a champion.

Claire: They're all full of shit.
John: What?
Claire: Half of these people are here because of my dad.
They're all just suckling at the power teat.
John: No, no, come on, they're here because they want to believe they're in the presence of true love.
That's why people come to weddings, cause they wanna believe in true love.
Claire: What's true love?
John: True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.
Claire: It's a little cheesy, but, I like it.


 

Someone once told me that true love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.
And I think that that's a very rare thing in this world.
And I think it's something to be valued.
And I'm just really happy that my big sister's found it.
~Claire Cleary

Rule #1, never leave a fellow crasher behind.
~John Beckwith

John: You can't marry this guy.
Claire: Why?
John: Because I've fallen for you.

Sack: They're not who they say they are, Claire.
Those aren't even their real names.
Claire: What?
Sack: Everything he told you is a lie.
Claire: I don't understand what you're saying.
Sack: Claire, they crash weddings.
They crash weddings so that they can sleep with girls.
Everything that they have told us is a complete fabrication.
All of it is a lie.
Claire, to John: Is that true?
John: Well, no, it's not entirely.
Claire: No, it's a yes or no question.
John: I know, but it's complicated.
Claire: Yes or no?
John, sigh: Yes... with shades of grey.

I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding?
Neither are you.
And you wanna know what? I dig it!
~Jeremy Gray

When you know what you want, you know what you want.
~Secretary Cleary

Jeremy: Listen, I'm getting married.
John: Get out.
Jeremy: What?
You just sat there and said that you were happy for me, that I'm...
John: I'm hanging by a thread. 
Jeremy: John, you've been my friend for 16 years. 
I'm getting married. I need you there to be my best man.
John: Kindly leave!
Jeremy: Would mean a lot to me if you came.
You better get your ass for that wedding.

John: You met her at a funeral.
Chaz: Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every now and then, but funerals are insane!
The chicks are so horny, it's not even fair.
It's like fishing with dynamite.
John: Horny?
Chaz: Yeah, crazy horny.
John: I just... at a funeral?
Chaz: Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.

John: All I wanted was a second alone so I could try to explain things.
But I've never gotten that chance.
Maybe I don't deserve it.
So here goes, for longer than I care to remember, my business has been crashing weddings.
I crashed weddings to meet girls.
Business was good. I met a lot of girls.
And it was childish, it was juvenile... 
Claire: And pathetic.
John: Yeah, that's probably the best word to describe it.
But you know what? It also led me to you.
So it's hard for me to completely regret it.
And that person that you met back at your folks' place that was really me.
Maybe not my name. I'm John Beckwith, by the way, or my job.
But the feelings we felt, the jokes, the stupid laughs, that was all me.
I've changed. I've realized something.
I crash a funeral earlier, and I...
And I see this widow and she's a wreck.
She's just lost a person she loves the most in this world.
And I realized we're all gonna lose the people we love.
That's the way it is. But not me, not right now.
Because the person I love the most is standing right here, and I'm not ready to lose you yet.
Claire, I'm not standing here asking you to marry me.
I'm just asking you, not to marry him. [addressing Sack]
And maybe take a walk, take a chance.
Sack: Wow! This congregation really doesn't care about how depressing your life is, John, okay?
Claire, baby, could you just, could you go back up on the altar so we can have a wedding?
Claire: I'm sorry.
I am.
Sack: What?
Claire: I can't marry you.
Sack: Secretary, your daughter's a little...
Mr. Secretary: Sack, I've always liked you, so I put up with your stories about scallops and otters,
and it's all good because you seemed to make her happy and that's what matters to me most.
But this is her decision.
I stand by my daughter.



*****

SHERLOCK HOLMES [2009]

Nothing Escapes Him

Mary: It can seem a little far-fetched though sometimes, 

making this grand assumptions out of tiny details.

Holmes: That's not quite right, is it?

In fact, the little details are by far the most important.

Holmes, investigate Mary: You're a governess.

Watson: Yes, well done. Shall we...

Holmes, ignoring Watson: Your student... is a boy of 8.

Mary: Charlie's 7, actually.

Holmes: Charlie... then he's tall for his age.

He flicked ink at you today.

Mary, to Watson: Is there ink on my face?

Watson: There's nothing wrong with your face.

Holmes: There are 2 drops on your ear, in fact.

India blue's nearly imposibble to wash off.

A very impetous act by the boy.

But you're too experienced to react rashly, 

which is why the lady for whom you work lent you that necklace.

Oriental pearls, diamonds, a flawless ruby.

Hardly the gems of a governess.

The jewels you are not wearing tell us more.

Watson: Holmes...

Holmes: You were engaged.

The ring is gone, but the lighter skin suggests [Mary covering her left hand] 

that you spent some time abroad wearing it proudly,

until you were informed of its true, modest worth.

You broke off the engagement and returned to England for better prospects.

A doctor perhaps... [Mary spills her wine to Holmes' face]

Your mistake is to imagine that anything earthly's led to this moment.

Your error of judgement is to assume that I'm holding the brush at all.

I'm merely the channel.

~Lord Blackwell

You and I are bound together on ajourney that will twist the very fabric of nature.

But beneath your mask of logic, I sense a fragility.

That worries me.

Steel your mind, Holmes, I need you.

~Lord Blackwell

Death is only the beginning.

~Lord Blackwell

Holmes: She's intimidated. She's scared of him.

Watson: Yet, she works for him.

Holmes: Right.

Watson: It's nothing to do with me but I advised you leave the case alone.

Watson: You really believe he was resurrected?

Holmes: The question is not if, but how.

The game's afoot...

Watson: Follow your spirit...

Watson & Holmes: And upon this charge, cry "God for Harry, England and St. George."

Watson: You know, Holmes, I've seen things in war I don't understand.

In India, I one met a man who predicted his own death 

right down to the number and the placement of the bullets that killed him.

You have to admit, Holmes, that a supernatural explanation to this case is theoretically possible.

Holmes: Agreed.

But it's a huge mistake to theorize before one has data.

Inevitably one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.

Watson: I've been reviewing my notes on our exploits over the last 7 months.

Would you like to know my conclusion?

 I am psychologically disturbed.

Holmes: How so?

Watson: Why else would I continually be led into situations 

where you deliberately withhold you plans from me? Why else?

Holmes: You've never complained about my methods before.

Watson: I'm not complaining.

Holmes: What do you call this?

Watson: How am I complaining? I never complain.

Do I complain about you practicing the violin at 3 in the morning...

or your mess, your lack of hygiene,

or the fact that you steal my clothes?

Holmes: We have a barter system.

Watson: Do I complain about you setting fire to my rooms?

Holmes: Our rooms.

Watson: The room...

When do I complain that you experiment on my dog?

Holmes: Our dog.

Watson: On the dog.

Holmes: Gladstone is our dog.

Watson: Where I do take issue is your campaign to sabotage my relationship with Mary.

Sir Thomas: Mr. Holmes, I'm sorry to summoning you like this.

I'm sure it's quite a mystery as to where you are and who I am.

Holmes: As to where I am, I was admittedly, lost for a moment between Charing Cross and Holborn.

But I was saved by the bread shop on Saffron Hill, 

the only baker to use a certain French glaze on their loaves, a Brittany sage.

After that the carriage forked left, then right, a tell tale bump over the Fleet Conduit.

As as to who you are, that took every ounce of my not inconsiderable experience.

The letters on your desk are addressed to Sir Thomas Rotheram.

Lord Chief Justice, that'd be your official title.

Who you really are is, of course, another matter entirely.

Judging by the sacred ox on your ring, you're the head of The Temple of The Four Orders

in whose headquarters we now sit, 

on the northwest corner of St. James' Square, I think.

As to the mystery, the only mystery is why you bothered to blindfold me at all.

Sir Thomas: Standard procedure, I suppose.

Fear is the more infectious condition.

~Sherlock Holmes

Sir Thomas: We want you to find him and stop him before he does.

Lord Coward: We'll give you any assistance that we can.

As Home Secretary, I have considerable influence over the police.

So... name your price.

Holmes: The benefit of being a consulting detective is that I can pick and choose my clients.

So, consider it done, I'll stop him.

But not for you, [to Sir Thomas]

and certainly not for a price. [to Lord Coward]

Crime is common, logic is rare.

The decent thing to do is to catch the killer, not provide comfort for the corpse.

~Sherlock Holmes

This is not your responsibilty, it was his choice.

He'd say that it was worth the wounds.

Solve this, whatever it takes.

~Mary Mortsan, to Sherlock Holmes

How terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the wise.

~Lord Coward

Fear being the most powerful weapon of all.

~Sherlock Holmes

*****

THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE [2009]

Henry: You do understand why it is I don't know you?

Clare: Of course.

When you're older, you'll travel back to when I'm a little girl.

For me... I mean, I've known you since... since I was 6 years old.

Since you appeared in the meadow behind my parents' house where I used to play.

Clare, put her journal on the table: I wrote down every time that you came to visit me.

Henry: Which I gather I did, or will do, fairly often?

Clare: The last time that I saw you, I was 18.

Seems that you got back to the same places a lot.

Henry: Yeah, it's like gravity.

Big events pull you in.

Clare: I was a big event.

Henry: So it would seem.

Clare: This is weird, I never knew you at this age.

I mean, I've only known you at this... mature worldly person.

Henry: I'm competing against myself.

Clare: How's it feel? I mean, I know what i's like to watch you go, 

but what's it like to always be the one that's going?

Henry: Sometimes it feels like you've stood up too quickly.

Your hands and feet are tingling and then they're not there at all.

Sometimes it feels like your attention has wandered just for an instant,

then you're standing naked someplace.

Maybe you've been there before, maybe you haven't.

You don't know how long it's gonna last,

so you start walking till you find some clothes.

Then you seem just like everybody else.

Except you're stranded and all alone, just waiting to disappear.

Clare: But you get to see people from the past.

People who are gone, like your mom.

Henry: Yeah, but the thing is, you can't change what happens to them.

I've tried.

It just happens anyway.

Gomez: Why don't you tell me what this is about?

Henry: You wanna know? I'm gonna tell you.

Because you and I are gonna be friends for a long time.

So you might as well know now.

Gomez: Know what?

Henry: I look older, right? That's because I am.

I've come back to this night from the future.

I'm a time traveler.

Gomez: Oh my God, you are out of your mind.

Henry: Started when I was 6 years old.

I have fits. I disappear. I travel through time.

I've come to this night from 2003.

What year is this?

Gomez: 1995. I don't like this.

Henry: I get dislocated in time.

I never know when it's gonna happen or where I'm gonna end up.

I have to break and enter, steal clothes from the first person I see.

You name it, I've done it.

Gomez: There's something wrong with you.

Henry: Yeah, there is.

But I care about Clare more than you can imagine, so don't worry about that.

Gomez: Whoa, hey, I'm reassured. 

Listen, in the future do Charisse and I get married?

Do I go bald? Does Charisse go bald?

Henry: I'm not gonna tell you things about your life.

Knowing stuff in advance makes you crazy.

Gomez: You're full of shit! You know that!

Henry: You won't think that in a minute.

Gomez: Yeah? Why's that?

[Henry disappear]

I've been waiting for him my entire life and now he's here.

I mean, it's already happened.

I couldn't even change it if I wanted to.

~Clare

Henry: I'm getting married.

Richard: Who would marry you? Does she know about...

Henry: She knows everything about me. Everything.

Her name's Clare. Clare Abshire. She's an artist.

And I'd really like to give her Mom's wedding and engagement rings.

That's why I'm here.

And I think Mom would really like that.

Richard: How would you know what your mother would like?

You barely knew her.

Henry: I know her. I still know her now.

I've just seen her on the subway.

I see her pushing me in the stroller. I see her with you too.

This thing I have isn't always a curse.

Richard: Then why don't you keep her from getting into that goddamn car?

Henry: I would if I could, you know that.

I've watched her die hundreds of times.

I can never get there in time to change it.

Henry: My wife had a miscarriage.

Dr. Kendrick: I am very sorry about that but I don't see what I can do to help.

Henry: What if the baby's a traveler like me?

What if it has the same genetic anomaly?

What if it traveled out of the womb?

Dr. Kendrick: You need help.

Not the kind of help I can give you.

Henry: How can I prove it to you?

Dr. Kendrick: You can't. It's impossible.

Your brain emits a blast of electromagnetic energy akin to an epileptic's

right at the moment you travel.

~Dr. Kendrick

What, you think that I wanted this life?

This husband that disappears without any kind or warning?

Do you think anyone would want that?

Who would want that?

~Clare

I'm pregnant...

Do you remember the night in the parking lot, when I came to get you?

You were younger.

Before the surgery.

I mean, it's not like I cheated on you.

~Clare

Henry: This is the first time we've ever met.

Alba: How do you do?

Henry: How old are you?

Alba: 10. How about you?

Henry: 38.

So tell me about you. 

How's school? What are you learning?

Alba: Well, not much at school.

But I read all the time. I read about Egypt.

Mom and I are reading The Lord of The Rings.

And Grandpa teaches me the violin.

And I heard Grandma sing. It was beautiful. At the opera, Aida.

Henry: What, you time traveled?

Alba: Mom says you and I are exactly alike.

Except Dr. Kendrick says I'm a prodigy, because sometimes I can choose where I go.

Henry: You can control it?

When you go and when you come back?

Alba: I'm learning.

Alba: I love you, Daddy.

Henry: I love you too, honey.

Henry: Alba.

Clare: Alba?

Henry: We name her Alba.

Clare: You met her?

Henry: Yeah. She's so beautiful, and so smart.

You're gonna love her so much.

Alba, age 5: Try to stay, Daddy.

Henry: How do you do it?

Alba, age 5: When I feel like I'm going, I sing... I sing to myself.

Henry: Let's try then.

[they start to sing as Henry start to disappear]

Alba: Tell me the story of how you and Mom met.

Henry: Doesn't she tell you?

Alba: She does but not like you do.

Henry: Well, it was right here in this meadow.

And one fine day, your mom -who's just a tiny little things-, 

goes out to the clearing and there's a man there...

Alba: With no clothes.

Henry: Not a stitch on him.

And after she gives him a blanket she happens to be carrying,

he explains to her that he's a time traveler.

Now for some reason I'll never understand, she believes him.

Alba: Because it's true.

Henry: I'm going.

Alba: No, Daddy... Sing!

Henry: I can't sing.

Clare: Why didn't you tell me you were coming?

I would've been here waiting.

Henry: I didn't want you to wait.

I don't want you to spend your life waiting.

Alba: Sometimes I think he's in the trees, deciding when to come out and surprise me.

Clare: I used to think that when I was a little girl,

that he was always here, even when he wasn't.

Alba: I guess he is, isn't he?

*****