OB40mukEXQ6QZ1740xdjwF1LEQ4 Quote to Remember: BRUCE ALMIGHTY [2003]


Monday, January 14, 2013


In Bruce We Trust?

God, why do you hate me?
~Bruce Nolan

~Bruce Nolan

 Bruce: I'm pushing 40, and what have I got to show for it?
I've hit some kind of a ceiling here.
There's an anti-Bruce barrier I can't get past.
And Evan is loving it, by the way. Loving it.
He gets the stories, he gets on sweeps.
Maybe I should be more like Evan.
Jack: You don't wanna be like Evan. Evan's an asshole.
Bruce: I can be an asshole.
Jack: No, Bruce, you can't.

I guess that how's life, isn't it?
Some people are drenched, freezing to death on a stupid boat, with a stupid hat,
while others are in a comfy news studio, sucking up all the glory.
Oh, well, no big deal!
~Bruce Nolan

Grace: You know that everything happens for a reason.
Bruce: That I don't need. That is a cliche. That is not helpful to me.
A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.
I have no bird, I have no bush.
God has taken my bird and my bush.
Grace: So, God is picking on you, is that what you're saying?
Bruce: No, He's ignoring me completely.
He's far too busy giving Evan everything he wants.

God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant.
He could fix my life in 5 minutes if he wanted to, 
but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm!
~Bruce Nolan

News flash! I'm not okay!
I'm not okay with a mediocre job! I'm not okay with a mediocre apartment!
~Bruce Nolan

You're the one who should be fired!
The only one around here not doing his job is You!
~Bruce Nolan

Denied that promotion at work?
Is life unfair?
Is there someone less talented than you reaping all the benefits?
Is your name Bruce?
Then do we have the job for you.
We're located at 77256 23rd Street.
So come on down, or we'll just keep beeping you.
~Man on the phone

You always were funny, Bruce, just like your father.
He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves either, son.
People underestimate the benefit of good old manual labor.
There's freedom in it.
Some of the happiest people in the world go home smelling to high heaven at the end of the day.

Bruce: Who are you?
God: I'm the one.
Creator of the heavens and the earth, alpha and omega.
Bruce, I'm God.

God: I brought you here to offer you a job.
Bruce: Job? What job?
God: My job.
You think you can do it better, so here's your chance.
When you leave this building, you will be endowed with all my powers.

Here's the deal.
You have all my powers. Use them any way you choose.
There are only 2 rules.
You can't tell anybody you're God.
Believe me, you don't want that kind of attention.
And you can't mess with free will.

God: You've had my powers for a little over a week now.
How many people have you helped?
Bruce: I took care of a few things.
I righted a few wrongs in my own life first, okay?
I was gonna help the others.
I think I could help the world.
God: The world?
That wasn't the world.
That was just Buffalo between 57th Street and Commonwealth.
I didn't want to start you off with more than you can handle.
Well, you took the job, Bruce, so I suggest you get to it.

Bruce: How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will?
God: Welcome to my world, son.
You come up with an answer to that one, you let me know.

Well, hello there, Bruce Almighty.
Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? This God business.

God: It's a wonderful thing.
No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up.
Bruce: There were so many, I just gave them all what they wanted.
God: Since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?

You know what I do every night before I go to bed?
I tuck my kids in, maybe have a scoop of ice cream and watch Conan.
You know what Grace does?
She prays.
Most of the time for you.
~Debbie, to Bruce

Bruce, as God handed him prayer beads: What do you want me to do?
God: I want you to pray, son.
Go ahead, use them.
Bruce: Lord, feed the hungry.
And bring peace to... all of mankind.
How's that?
God: Great. If you wanna be Miss America.
Now, come on, what do you really care about?
Bruce: Grace...
God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No.
I want her to be happy, no matter what that means.
I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me.
I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now through your eyes.
God: Now that's a prayer.

Behind every great man, there's a woman rolling her eyes, folks.
~Bruce Nolan


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