Sometimes the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring.
~Ed Bloom
I was thinking about death and all.
About seeing how you're gonna die.
I mean, on one hand, if dying was all you thought about, it could kind of screw you up.
But it could kind of help you, couldn't it?
Because everything else, you'd know you could survive.
~Ed Bloom
Ed: Having a kid changed everything.
There's the diapers and the burping and the midnight feeding.
Will: Did you do any of that?
Ed: No. Nut I hear it's terrible.
Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense,
and still it turns out perfectly fine.
Will: You think I'm up for it?
Ed: You learned from the best.
We're storytellers, both of us.
I speak mine out, you write yours down, same thing.
~Ed Bloom
Truth is, no one quite knew what was wrong.
Most time a person grows up gradually, while I found myself in a hurry.
My muscles and my bones couldn't keep up with my body's ambition.
So I spent the better part of 3 years confined to my bed,
with the encyclopedia being my only means of exploration.
I had made it all the way to the G's, hoping to find an answer to my 'gigantificationism',
when I uncovered an article about the common goldfish.
"Kept it in s small bowl, the goldfish will remain small.
With more space, the fish will grow double, triple or quadruple its size."
It occurred to me then that perhaps the reason for my growth was that I was intended for larger things.
After all, a giant man can't have an ordinary-sized life.
~Ed Bloom
Karl: I don't want to eat you. I don't want to eat anybody.
I just get so hungry. I'm just too big.
Ed: Did you ever think that maybe you're not too big, but maybe this town is just too small?
Why are you wasting your time in a small city?
You're a big man. You need a big city.
~Ed Bloom
And what I recall of Sunday school was that the more difficult something is,
the more rewarding it is in the end.
~Ed Bloom
Ed: Did you see that woman?
Jenny: What did she look like?
Ed: Well, she was...
Jenny: Was she naked?
Ed: Yes, she was.
Jenny: It's not a woman. It's a fish. No one ever cathces her.
Fish looks different to different people.
My daddy said it looked like the coon dog he had when he was a kid, back from the dead.
Ed: I have to leave. Tonight.
Beaman: Why?
Ed: This town is more than any man could ask for.
And if I were to end up here, I would consider myself lucky.
But the truth is, I'm just not ready to end up anywhere.
Ed: I don't know if you're aware of this, Josephine,
but African parrots, in their native Congo, they speak only French.
Josephine: Really?
Ed: You're lucky to get 4 words out of them in English.
But if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French.
Those parrots talk about everything. Politics, movies, fashion. Everything, but religion.
Will: Why not religion, Dad?
Ed: It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're gonna offend.
Josephine: How are you feeling?
Ed: Oh, I was dreaming.
Josephine: What were you dreaming about?
Ed: Oh, I don't usually remember, unless they're specially portentous.
Do you know what the word means?
[Josephine grinning and shake her head]
It means when you dream about something that's gonna happen.
Like one night, I had a dream where this crow came and said, "Your aunt is gonna die."
I was so scared, I woke up my parents,
but they said it was just a dream and to get back to bed.
But the next morning, my Aunt Stacy was dead.
Josephine: That's terrible.
Ed: Terrible for her, but think about me, young boy with that kind of power.
Wasn't 3 weeks later when the crow came back to me in a dream and said,
"Your daddy's gonna die."
I didn't know what to do.
I finally told my father, but he said, "Oh, not to worry." But I could see he was rattled.
The next morning he wasn't himself.
Kept looking around, waiting for something to drop on his head.
Because the crow didn't say how it was gonna happen, just those words, "Your daddy's gonna die."
Well, he left home early and was gone a long time.
When he finally came back, he looked terrible, like he was waiting for the ax to fall all day.
He said to my mother, "I've just had the worst day of my life."
"You think you've had a bad day?" she said. "This morning, the milkman dropped dead on the porch."
Because, see, my mother was banging the milkman.
Amos: You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean, and you're drowning.
Take my advise, go back to Puddleville, you'll be happy there.
Ed: You say I don't have a plan? I do.
I'm gonna find that girl, marry her, and spend the rest of my life with her.
I don't have a job, but I would have a job if you gave me one.
And I may not have much, but I have more determination that any man you're likely to meet.
You don't know me, but my name is Edward Bloom, and I love you.
I've spent the last 3 years working to find out who you are.
I've been shot, stabbed, and trampled a few times. I broke my ribs twice.
But it's all been worth it to see you here now and to finally get to talk to you.
Because I'm destined to marry you.
I knew it for the first moment I saw you at the circus, and I know it now more than ever.
~Edward Bloom
Sandra: Daffodils!
Ed: They're your favorite flower.
Sandra: How did you get so many?
Ed: I called everywhere in 5 states.
I told them it was the only way to get my wife to marry me.
Sandra: You don't even know me.
Ed: I have the rest of my life to find out.
Sandra: Don! I will never marry you!
Don: What? You mean, you love this guy?
Sandra: He's almost a stranger, and I prefer him to you.
Most men, they'll tell you a story straight through.
It won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either.
~Edward Bloom
Will: Dad, I have no idea who you are, because you've never told me a single fact.
Ed: I've told you a thousand facts, Will. That's what I do! I tell stories!
Will: You tell lies, Dad. You tell amusing lies.
Stories are what you tell a 5-year-old at bedtime.
They're not elaborate mythologies that you maintain when your son is 10 and 15 and 20 and 30.
I believed you. I believed your stories so much longer than I should have.
Then when I realized everything you said was impossible, I felt like a fool to have trusted you.
You're like Santa Clause and The Easter Bunny. Just as charming and just as fake.
Ed: You think I'm fake.
Will: Only on the surface, Dad. But it's all I've ever seen.
Look, I'm about to have a kid of my own.
It would kill me if he went through his whole life never understanding me.
Ed: It would kill you, huh?
What do you want, Will? Who do you want me to be?
Will: Just yourself. Good, bad, everything.
Just show me who you are for once.
Ed: I've been nothing but myself since the day I was born.
And if you can't see that, it's your failing, not mine!
Dr. Bennett: Your father ever tell you about the day you were born?
Will: Yeah, a thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish.
Dr. Bennett: No that. The real story. He ever tell you that?
Will: No.
Dr. Bennett: Well, your mother came in about 3 in the afternoon.
Her neighbor drove her, on account of your father was away on business in Wichita.
You were born a week early, but there were no complications.
It was a perfect delivery.
Your father was sorry not to be there.
But it wasn't the custom then for men to be in the room for deliveries,
so I can't see how it would've been much different had he been there.
And that's the real story of how you were born.
Not very exciting, isn't it?
And I supposed if I had to choose between the true version
and an elaborate one involving a fish and a wedding ring, I might choose the fancy version.
But, then that's just me.
Have you ever heard a joke so many times you've forgotten why it's funny?
And then you hear it again and suddenly it's new.
You remember why you loved it in the first place.
That was my father's final joke, I guess.
A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories.
They live on after him.
And in that way, he becomes immortal.
~Will Bloom
*****
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