Unpolished
Unkempt
Unleashed
Undercover
The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus!
[Gracie Hart]
I haven't seen a walk like that since 'Jurassic Park!'
[Victor Melling]
If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you...
which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.
[Victor Melling]
[Gracie Hart]: I would so love to hurt you right now.
[Victor Melling]: As long as you smile.
[Victor Melling]: What, no armored car?
[Gracie Hart]: That would be in my other dress.
[Victor Melling]: Your hair should make a statement.
[Gracie Hart]: As long as it doesn't say 'Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'!
[Victor Melling, teaching Gracie how to glide]: See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks.
Don't I look pretty?
[Gracie Hart]: It takes a very secure man to walk like that.
[Gracie Hart]: My teeth - What are you going to do with my teeth?
[Victor Melling]: Hopefully, remove the beer stains and steak residue.
[Victor Melling]: In place of friends and relationships, you have sarcasm and a gun!
[Gracie Hart]: Oh, 'I' have sarcasm?
When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain?
[Victor Melling]: Ah! That is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist -
and that works for me!
and that works for me!
[Gracie Hart]: You know what?
I don't have relationships because I don't want them,
an-an-and I don't have friends because I work 24/7.
an-an-and I don't have friends because I work 24/7.
And you have no idea
why I am the way that I am.
[Eric Matthews]: What do you say, Hart?
[Gracie Hart]: No freakin' way.
[Eric Matthews]: Sparky, why not?
[Gracie Hart]: Cause I'm not gonna parade around in a swimsuit like some airhead bimbo
that goes by the name, what, Gracie Lou Freebush and all she wants is
world peace?
[Eric Matthews]: It won't be like that.
Come on, you're an important member of the undercover team.
[Gracie Hart]: Yeah, right, in a thong.
[Eric Matthews]: Hart, listen to me. I've waited five years to run my own op.
You think I'd blow it on the wrong girl?
[Gracie Hart]: No no no, I know the only reason you picked me was because I was the
only one who looked half decent in a bikini and wasn't on maternity
leave.
[Eric Matthews]: No, that's why they 'let' me pick you.
You wanna know why I picked you?
[Gracie Hart]: Lost a bet?
[Eric Matthews]: Because you're smart.
Because you don't take any crap from people.
You're funny.
You're easy to talk to when you're not armed.
Look, give
yourself a break.
Cut Vic and the other pagent ladies some slack cause
if they ever get a chance to see what I see then... they're gonna love
you.
[Gracie Hart]: Where am I gonna keep my gun?
[Eric Matthews]: Nowhere I wanna know about!
[Eric Matthews]: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.
[Gracie Hart]: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my
posture.
And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.
[Eric Matthews]: Funny, me too.
[Stan Fields]: What is the one most important thing our society needs?
[Gracie Hart]: That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan.
[crowd is silent] And world peace! [crowd cheers ecstetically]
[Stan Fields]: Thank you, Gracie Lou.
[Gracie Hart]: And thank 'you', Stan.
[Gracie walks offstage]
[Victor Melling]: That was charming. Are you drunk?
[Gracie Hart]: I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go unscrew my smile!
[Stan Fields]: Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.
[Cheryl 'Rhode Island']: That's a tough one.
I'd have to say April 25th.
Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
[Cheryl 'Rhode Island']: My idea of a perfect date would be a man who takes me to a romantic
dinner, and then we walk along the beach barefoot discussing books and -
and music and - and movies.
[Karen 'New York']: No wonder you're still a virgin.
[Kathy Morningside]: New Jersey, as you know, there are many who consider the Miss United
States Pageant to be outdated and anti-feminist.
What would you say to
them?
[Gracie Hart]: Well, I would have to say... I used to be one of them.
And then I came
here and I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are
just trying to make a difference in the world.
And we've become really
good friends.
I mean, I know we all secretly hope the other one will
trip and fall on her face... oh, wait a minute, I've already done that!
And for me this experience has been one of the most rewarding and
liberating experiences of my life.
[Victor Melling]: My God, I did it!
[Gracie Hart]: And if anyone, anyone tries to hurt one of my new friends, I would take
them out.
I would make them suffer so much that they'd wish they were
never born.
And if they ran, I would hunt them down.
Thank you, Kathy.
[Victor Melling]: A brief shining moment and then that mouth!
*****
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